reader

okay. my azab is over. haha...i meant my SPP interview is over. it's kind of weird how i didn't feel anything since the beginning. i'm not even study that much. only reading about PIPP and tonggak 12. trying to comprehend the FPK thoroughly. i'm the 6th candidates. and my name is coincidentally at number 6. what a lucky number. fizy's 4th while ana 8th. don't ask about my preparation. because i didn't prepared anything. thought i'm going to wake up at 3am last night to read the notes i printed. but me being me. terlajak tidur until 4.15am. then we're discuss on the way to the place. trying to catch as many as i can from fizy and ana explanation. still there's no butterfly when the first candidate being called out. and when the third person, yes...finally the butterfly start to dancing. mister, i seriously need you to spank me right on my butt!!! ;p
the first question: cikgu ajar apa?
me: english and physical education.
he: owh...orang bahasa...saya tak kan tanya yang susah-susah lah. guru lelaki di sekolah cikgu 100% pakai neck tie?
me: not really....bla...bla...bla...
he: murid kalau tak pakai, kena denda tak?
me: ya...
he: kenapa pula macam tu? patut nya guru jadi teladan kan. budak pakai neck tie bukan arahan KPM. guru atas arahan KPM. bla...bla...bla...tolong sampai kan salam saya dekat PK HEM sekolah cikgu. suruh dia arah kan semua guru lelaki pakai neck tie dulu sebelum denda murid.
me: betul juga tu....(conversation censored)
he: okay. kita pegi soalan lain pula. apa yang cikgu faham tentang FPK?
me: bla...bla...bla...he: cikgu dah kawin?me: belum.
he: tau tak apa tu kasanova?
me: tau. buaya.he: biasa nya diorang pakai macam mana?me: smart and tidy...bla...bla...bla...
he: (censored)
me: betul juga tu tuan.
and then he ask me more about history of sabah, the flag's colour and the T&L session in classroom.
he: kenapa tak guna kan suara cikgu yang lunak dan merdu ni untuk buat ujian listening tanpa guna radio?
me: ya kan. betul juga tu. tuan bagi saya idea baru. baik lah, saya akan buat karang di sekolah.

he: cikgu ni seorang yang berani, tegas, dan particular person.
me: huh????
he: saya tau baca berdasar kan tulisan.
me: okay. saya memang berani dan tegas. tapi bab particular tu, tidak rasa nya. (refresh back my memory. suddenly teremind when i ask joild or pyan to do things for me. yan, you know me best kan.) ;p
he: kalau cikgu ada bekenan mana-mana lelaki, suruh lah dia tulis surat cinta dekat cikgu. lepas tu cari saya minta tolong tengok lelaki jenis apa dia ni. anak perempuan saya tiga orang kahwin buat macam ni la.
me: (teringat that mister punya handwriting). tuan, kalau tulisan dia duduk atas line, orang jenis apa ka dia?
he: saya tak tengok lagi. kena tengok tulisan dia dulu.
he: cikgu orang english kan. mesti orang international kan. bagi saya 5 bahasa utama dunia.
me: (confidently) english, arabic, mandarine, french and spanish.
he: bagus. betul. last question. suka duit tak?
me: suka.
he: berikan saya 5 mata wang dunia tidak termasuk dolar dan ringgit.
me: rupiah, peso, baht, yen dan riyal.
he: itu je la.
me: serious?
he: ya la.
me: thank you so much, tuan.

finish. we keep laughing since the moment i enter the room until i go out. don't know why. okay, now it's all depend on my luck whether i'm going to pass or fail the interview. now keep praying to the BIG GUY up there to bless me.
learn something new today from my beloved friend. i quote "kita tidak hidup atas pujian orang. kita tidak juga mati atas cacian orang" i unquote. wise enough to open up my eyes to everything happen in my life lately. bukan semua orang dapat terima buruk baik kita. thanks a lot YUSRI ALFIAN. you're the best. like my mum said tadi masa dia call time di kereta: "baik-baik dua-dua anak mama ya. jangan nakal-nakal". and now i'm jealous. it's like mum start to love pyan more than she loves me..:(

on the way to sandakan

after the interview...
camwhoring session.

me so gedik...ana so like distraction...;p

sweet kan budak dua ekor ni...
fizy, mama ku balik-balik sudah tanya jawapan mu terhadap anak baru nya ni...

signs?

my dying sunday on monday

how do i spend it?
community service. i do what i do best. yell to the students. i'm such a bad teacher.
i'm not in a very good mood lately. tired of mum keep asking about the thing. mum, seriously i'm not ready. i just don't want to talk to my parents lately. why such in hurry? i'm 25 not 35. dad, i need to talk to you. without mum there listening.
i'm sulking. sulking. sulking. sulking. it's becoming my hobby now. because i have none. i have to find one. so i chose sulking. it gives me something. it helps me to find catharsis when i cry later. cry and cry until i'm tired. i used to cry in school before when i work as a temp. whenever i feel like want to burst, i simply leave the class, go to my car and crying my heart out. then go back to the staffroom with my bloody red eyes and nose. at first, everyone keep asking. but after a month, who cares what the heck is happening to me. i just don't know how to do that here. plus, i have no car here...:) yes, i open another dirty secret.
i heard the nazir going to come to our school today. well, mr.nazir, i'm such a mess. my fail meja is a mess. my SBOA file is a mess. my NILAM file also a mess. my life is in a total mess. why don't you help me sort it out?

***i have SPP interview this wednesday and i don't know where to start.
seriously need something to amuse me so i won't be muse. sing for absolution?

the matron and the penumpang during the community service

mr.Principal, see me doing thing...

i can't go any further than this.

meet me halfway, please......................................................

seriously, this is too much.
do you really want to see me piss off like what you told N?
is that what you really want?
congratulation!!! you succeed.
you just reached my boiling point.
i make myself clear this morning.
i'm so kecik hati.
you make me cry.
enough.
the rest is up to you.
:'(

p/s: mister, i insist you to read this. and deep think about it. you grown up. not 19 years old.
put my hiatus mode on after this. thank you.

gloomy

waiting for that simple 'hi' is like waiting for the rainbow to come out on the dessert

ages
:'(

take the cake all away

You've been racin' through my mind
You're pickin' up in speed
You're drivin' recklessly
It’s like a car crash
Happenin' on my street
Broken bodies at my feet
And sirens on the way
They're too late
Cuz nobody’s going to save us
We're rubber neckers dream
We're burning gasoline
Go
Take your economy car and your suitcase
Take you psycho little dogs
Take it all away

commitment??? is that what you looking for?

something to think about. not necessarily before tying the knot. but i just think it's about time to take it as a serious matter.

elizabeth gilbert-committed:

"Marriage becomes hard work once you have poured the entirity of your life expectations for happiness in the hands of one mere person".

drama drama drama

i'm tired of office drama. i'm tired of such a dumbass colleague who stop talking to me. i'm tired of everything. mister, it's not like i can't cope living here. it's just people here, i meant some of them are just plain stupid yet acting so damn mature. bangang. pigi balik sekolah menengah la kalo mau buat gaya sial macam kima begitu. you really pissing me off. i don't know what is my fault to you. it's not like i give a damn to you. but i'm going to spend another years ahead facing your face every single day. what do you expect from me? i'm just human being. everything is limited. i'm scared that one day you got into my nerve. i'm not playing innocent here. i really don't know what is my fault to some people here. why they acting like that towards me? come on la....you guys are older than me. much wiser. use your head. right now, i seriously feel like i'm back to high school where people used to be jealous of me but don't know what to do and start to talk bad things behind my back. yes, that was like 8 to 10 years ago.
one thing for sure, cik, you're so high school. gaya macam kima minta maki depan-depan. i've had enough drama. so spare it for your own sake. do i make myself clear?

for the 'i don't know how many' times, mister, i miss you. have no one to talk to lately. everyone seem so jahat to me. don't be one of them please. stop puji minta. i'm tired. i don't want to be the untalkative bunny...:"(

i give you my dirty little secret...;p

1. i'm scared to death of bird. any bird.
2. i'm scared when my guy suddenly treat me nicely. as if i have one right now. but still i'm scared when someone belong to me suddenly treat me nicely. i know they've been up to something. cause that's what exactly what my ex did when he cheated on me. i can sense something was wrong that time. but i keep to myself as he asked me to try to trust him after almost 4 years of dating each other that time. i'm just still having this phobia when people suddenly being extra nice to me. even if it's my own family.
3. i bruise easily. i'm extra sensitive. when i said 'aku kecik hati', i really meant it. i just don't know how to express my feelings. i'm very bad in expressing feeling.
4. i'm a one man girl. but i don't know how to please a guy. i guess that's why my ex two-timing me before. i'm such a bad bad gf. lesson learnt.
5. i hate bad talker. i hate people who suddenly stop talking to me without telling me what is my fault.
6. i hate treating people badly cause i know very well how i treat people around me.
7. i'm addicted to something.
8. i used to have such a beautiful childhood. though i forget everything about it, i'm still sure i'm having quite a blast when i was small. i have a vivid memory of playing G.I Joe and running a hotwheels with my brother. mum, i burn all my kiddo's picture as i think i look ugly in that polka dot panty with a bow at the back in every picture.
9. i secretly in love with Ken. hahaha...i'm not fall in love or out of love easily.
10. i hate super idiot colleague who think they know so much when in fact they just the super dumbest uglisita but trying to look down on me.
11. i heart chocolate ad ice cream to bits. can't send my day without it.
12. i'm scared of the fact that my parrent might leave me someday. just slightest think of it can makes me cry. i seriously don't know what to do when that time comes. keep praying that i'm the one who going first.
13. i used to be jealous to mum cause having a husband as nice as handsome, as loving, as adorable as my dad.
14. i'm not a true fashionista. i don't know how to match my clothes. i just wear it as i like it. i don't give a damn on what eople might say the way i dress. i can go eating at the restaurant with my pyjama if i want. i don't dress to please people. i wear it because that's what my gut want me to wear.
15. i'm such a bad in numeric. i don't know how i pass my exam when i don't know how to do the negative numbers. when i'm reading a book, then suddenly number occur, it makes me feel dizzy and blur. i do simple maths. until right now i still don't know what the fuck is algebra, theorem pythagoras, or whatever weird name they have.
16. i hate being teslian. cause people always think that i'm having such a damn good english when i know very well i'm not. i know a little about idioms and proverb. so little about shakespeare. but if you asked me about nora roberts or danielle steel, i can tell you every single detail of their work because i used to sneakily reading my sister's novel. if dad ever find out about this, i'm gonna be a dead meat.
17. i wish i'm taller. like 2 or 3 inch more. and i wish my boobs and ass bigger. i don't know why i prefer curvy than skinny.
18. i never love my boyfriend. as in my ex. i never love him like i used to said. i just never love him. i secretly think that he don't deserve a girl like me. he just don't. and when i caught he cheated on me i feel like YES!!! finally i get the reason to be free from this Mr.I, Me and Myself. but i react differently because i think i'm the loser. cause i always think that we can make such a beautiful family potrait. we do look alike. people used to think that he's my brother. enough said.
19. i choooooo.....................................suka minta puji and betebiat.
20. i wish that mister cook for me every single day. and melayan my so minta puji punya gaya.

quelqu'un

Would you please be my babe
Come by and I lay you down
I'm loving when you say I love you too

frai...qui? vous, capot...;)

stella missing stila

the bottle is so menggiur kan, right?
the smell? don't know...
macam best....macam mau...
but where can i get this?
napa juga lanjik betul mau tukar perfume ni?
nda tau.
saja mau try bau yang lain.
tidak juga bosan.
sengaja mau buang duit yang sedia teda ni.
perfume yang sekarang tinggal setengah botol.
jadi kira-kira mau tukar bau yang lain.
enough la each perfume pakai sampai dua botol ja.
try yang lain lagi.
tapi itu bukan zila nama nya.
zila kan suka stick dengan satu benda sampai la benda tu sendiri yang reject dia.
ya kan? zila kan begitu...
i'm not going to buy it. i'm just in love with the bottle. i still love my current smell. asyik dan penuh keminta pujian.
what about the bottle that dady buy for me last month?
that davidoff? i leave it at home. so i don't have to bring my perfume back whenever i'm going home.
still stella mcCartney took my heart away. and zen by shi seido also tempting.
semua pun tempting kalo ada duit nya. now you don't have la zila.
remember that you heart saving.

p/s: mister, why we ain't talk to each other?

***btw, today i truly notice that i'm such a fat cow. paha si zila besar macam paha giant. kalo bontot besar tidak apa. zila mau itu...tapi paha besar is a big NO NO. end up macam paha bisaya karang.

curi oreo tu sexy sebenar nya

saya curi dua keping oreo sir nizuan di staff room tadi sebab telampau kepingin. besok mau curi lagi. dan kalo boleh hari-hari mau curi sampai la saya di bekal kan oreo untuk sebulan. tidak sabar rasa nya mau pulang ke rumah supaya pembekal saya dapat membekal kan nya...;)


p/s: mister, where is my ice cream? PMS strike me again. tomorrow don't forget to buy me one. next time don't serve your guest ice cream. bagi ja air sejuk..:(

sangapness????

macam la ko nda pena tefikir benda begini...

what's really on my mind...;)

sweet, right?

p/s: mister, did you notice something in every picture? ;)

angel

Angel
I have a dream of you I can't defined
You've been on my mind
Don't go
I feel lost without you by my side
Lost and on my own
Yeah I'm falling for an angel

Angel
Your brightest star is shining next to mine
Every night and day
You know
Stars exploded then they fade away
Then they fade away
Yeah I'm falling for an angel
Yeah I'm falling for an angel

Would you please be my babe
Come by and I lay you down
I'm loving when you say I love you too

Won't you please be my honey
I'm sorry that I let you down
Your eyes are breaking my heart in two
Break my heart in two

Angel
May the one above us keep you safe
Every night and day
If he knows
How I love the smile all on your face
When you are here to stay

Yeah I'm falling for an angel
Yeah I'm falling for an angel

currently into this song by atilia. sweet song with a deep meaning. we're having total fun today making doughnut using that instant flour. fizy and ana are the one who make it. me shaped it to his name. and another cute shape. cute kunun. hahaha...at least, it's our first attempt and i strongly agree that we're succeed. sedap juga. hidden talent. well, last week me baked that delicious cookies that taste almost like F.A cookies and today making doughnut that taste like the one from Big Apple. hahaha...perasan lebih budak ni. but mister, sedap kan doughnut yang ada hershey hugs dalam nya tu? it is special made only for you. ain't i the sweetest? PINANG LA SAYA...;p

Confidence is a must
Happiness is a plus
Edginess is a rush
Edges
A man with a Midas touch
Intoxicate on the rush
Stop you’re making me blush
People are looking at us

p/s: mister, your nasi kerabu is chooo.....chedap. biar pun nda dapat black pepper beef.
but these two girls here ask me to pack my things and move to your place...:(

skip

i'm supposed to train the drama team now. but here i am at home doing nothing. can't do lots. i'm having period cramps and i hate it. i keep on munching since morning. can't help myself. all i want right now is ice cream and beef. tapun tapun.

mum and dad were having this for today's lunch at home...:(

me want this right now.
lots and lots of this...

***talking to dad again this morning about my notebook and guess what is the answer?
dad: bukan meng sudah janji ka hari tu kalo sudah keja, meng nda mau minta beli apa-apa dengan bapa. meng cakap mau beli semua sendiri. sendiri cakap sendiri buat la. bukan meng cakap mau jadi grown up girl ka? nda mau jadi baby kan?

and i heard my mum talking from the back
mum: yah...cakap la dengan tu anak perempuan bagus-bagus. nanti saya lagi di minta nya tu. nda pandai habis mau nya.

me: bha ya la kalo sudah kena cakap gitu. nanti saya beli la sendiri. nda payah lah sudah beli saya apa-apa...

and the line is dead. ain't i the sweetest?

where thou my gyno

i seriously need to see one pronto. this ain't normal things to me. i'm having quite normal cycle. but why suddenly? mum, kak lin. i need you both here..:(

mister, i need more chocolate and ice cream. now i know why i start eating like a pig.

wet and wild

it's raining...0302

cute kan? it's raining since last night. cold. wake up little late today. the budak2 have to wait for me for the drama practice. sorry ok. teacher just having a wild night last night. doing what? don't ask..;p
back to rain. yup it's raining here. suddenly it reminds me when i ask halizah long time ago why out of the blue it's like a monsoon season? she stupidly answer 'musim mengawan kali'. sial kan? halizah, you're married now. so i guess you can mengawan any time you want. doesn't matter if it's the time to mengawan or not. me so jealous. i'm in jealous mood right now. jealous to everyone around me. jealous to eyon because she's at home right now since last week. but she's going back to UIA tomorrow. jealous to halizah because she's married and she's going to be a mum. jealous to pyan because he's having new laptop. pada hal dua minggu lepas lagi pun dia beli. and now i'm using it for a few days. i know you're the sweetest one. that's why mum loves you. pyan, you better be careful as i'm scared my dad would do something to you for stealing mum's heart..;p who else? teda sudah. manusia-manusia lain besa-besa ja hidup durang. jadi me kurang jeles.

wet and wild? yes, it is wet because it's rain. but wild? what so wild? idk.
why we always talking crap lately?

valentine's day

just watching this movie. i know it's kind of late and if i were in kK i'd be the first to watch perhaps. cause that what me and halizah do when we have such tiny little time away from her guy. watching chick flicks. but here i am in bukit garam, watching the dvd 3 months later after the movie being released. pity me. what can i say about the movie? if you prefer some drama, being melodramatic, don't watch this. this is just another 'he's just not that into you' kind of movie. simple and relax with a lot of A-list star as an attraction. but still there are a lot of message you can get there especially if you were single like me. or you facing turbulence in your relationship. what i love the most is, it teach you to accept whomever your loved one used to be or used to do. forgiveness is the main key. one thing for sure, if you ever met that real Mr.McDreamy, stay away from him. he's married. and he just celebrating his 15th anniversary of marriage with Pamela. now i know why Dr.Sloan still single in Grey's Anatomy. he's gay. haha...Eric Dane is gay in this movie. fucking unbelievable!!! such a hot guy turn out to be gay. i'm so frustrated. mister, you're not gay, right? and man prefer girl with 3s. smart, sensitive and sexy. then it remind me to someone long time ago who used to describe me as cute, clever and sexy. well mr.someone, i'm a teacher now. and i'm still cute, still clever and still maintain my sexiness. and people still think me as sexy when i'm in baju kurung. just like you. i'm sure you having fun with your life as FA. good luck.
have to wake up early tomorrow as i'm having drama practice with the 'budak2 ni' at 9am. then promise the boys at hostel that i'm going to teach them english at noon. i'm worried about the drama competition next week. it's getting closer but the kids did not show any progress. it's like they just playing around. i know some of them trying their best, but what about the others? i just wish luck is on our side. suddenly remind me to what Firdaus Lee used to said to me "don't believe in luck zila. believe in Allah". crap!!! thanks a lot firdaus. it meant a lot to me. still i'm hoping for some luck here. i know people at school expect something from me. failure? maybe. who knows what's on their mind especially those who hates me. i know quite well what they've been up to. some of them stop talking to me. i don't know what's their problem. malas mau ingau. as long as they don't give a fuck on me then i won't give a damn on their life.
the greatest achievement a teacher can get is when their weak students finally pass their monthly test. i adore this two kiddies. they both from 2B class which is full of low level of proficiency in English. but they keep seeing m,e asking me question, this and that. especially the grammar part. frankly speak, i never put any hope to this method. but finally it shows something. it shows that, if you really do your homework, follow what i said to you in class, flying colour is totally yours..:) hope the other students learn their lesson well from these two kids. teacher going to buy you something. promise.

my notebook's screen macam mau patah. cracking at the edge. now i know i'm supposed to buy that vaio when i'm in kK. now can't. have to wait for dady's generosity to buy me one or at least adding some money. why? because i have none..;)

p/s: mister, i'm so damn jealous right now. i think you know why.
btw, i think PMS gonna struck me real sooner. again? what's going on here? should consult gyno?

15th

it's 15th of the month. and for the first time, no money transfered to my account. dad no longer giving me money..sob..sob..:'(
i guess, they have enough of me for 24 years. now it's time for me to go on my own. but still i can ask some money from you, kan bapa? it is so weird how life turn out to be. tak menarik langsung!!!

btw, this is what i got from privatizing my blog for a few days. i though i can runaway from stalker, gossip girls who are looking for some amusement things to laugh at school. but i just couldn't.

a guy friend: napa ko pigi kasi private ko punya blog? minta puji juga kau. baru nda lagi ko kasi sa jadi invited reader kan. apa bikin sa ketawa kalo tia baca blog kau ni? ko tau ka sa suka baca kisah bodoh mu sama mister mu tu? sepa juga dia tu?
me: sembarang ja ni orang becakap ni...macam nda pandai puas dia sama crita lucu ku time di U dulu. kemarin pagi lagi dia text aku minta jadi reader.

si kawan baik: kima nya ni perempuan ni ya di kasi private nya blog nya. napa juga kau la begaya betul? bagus la nda payah ada blog kalo begitu.
me: bha..ya la..karang la aku tukar. napa? teda abutan mu ka kalo nda mengabut hidup ku?
si kawan baik: jahanam punya perempuan ni....#$%***@ bla..bla..bla..

there are still a lot of friends who care for me. sorry guys. i thought i just want to hide from people who so in love with bad talking me. then i realize, i'm just another Paris Hilton to them. well, that's hot!!! kan mister?
me and joild suggest that we as a new teacher should perform during the teacher's day at school. so i decided to do the mariah carey 'why you so obsess with me'. but the acoustic version. and i want to dedicate that song to all my bad talkers at school. so sir joild and faizal, you guys should start to practice the guitar. me on the other hand already start my vocal coaching. hahaha...;)
why you so obsess with me? girl i wanna know...=p
bikin panas terus ni statement.

p/s: mister, marble? what a coincidence...

reminiscing

i think i know what is missing in my life lately. i lost the music. i lost the song. usually, it's only me and mr.Punk in our little world. adding with mum's yell and dady's words. now mr.Punk is in a critical condition. still in icu. it's not like dad can't get me new one. i'm just insist to wait for him to recover. i love mr.Punk so much. i love like i never been in love before. i love it how he never betray me with his songs. never lied to me. always know what best for me. you know how i love old things, don't you? the longer the things with me, the hardest to let go. like my pink hello kitty carpet that i put in my room. i know i'm suppose to change it years ago. but it still darling to my eyes. can't simply get rid of it. what do i listen here? crappy music from my notebook. why? i don't know how to handle music when i know everyone can hear it. i don't share my music. i share it with my thoughts and my mood only.

mr.Punk
or should i get this one?
bapa, saya mau ini....bole ka tu?
nda mahal sudah sekarang...nda pun sampai 1k...

arrêter

i always believe my heart. i always believe on my instinct. because my heart got its mind of its own. i never wrong. i never misjudge. and my heart said i have to stop now. and just like that i quit. i ain't a quitter. but i have to. sorry.

can you keep a secret?

call me late or whatever. i just read this book. spending my monday night reading this when i knew very well i'm working on monday. it's totally funny. how can you spill your secret to some stranger? then how you react when that stranger turn out to be your superior at the office? busted. what i love the most is

the whole point about strangers is, they disappear into the ether and you never see them again.
plus, never talk to stranger...

i have a lot of secrets. like real a LOT. most of it are silly and so stupid. i keep things from my parents, my sister and my friends. the biggest things was my little rendezvous. awesome. have to tell mum when the right time comes. seriously. most of my secret are full with guiltiness.
its been a long time since i read good books. never read anything from kinsella except for her famous 'confession of a shopaholic'. but that's only until a friend of mine keep asking me to read the book. he said that book is totally me. fyi, i don't shop using card. i pay cash. so i won't be burden with debt. but now is different story. me no longer buying stuff. i'm start saving now. start thinking about the future. start thinking about owning this and that for the better tomorrow. told you i heart saving...;)

p/s: mister, you were stranger once...but now...
confession: i don't baked that cookies. bought that from tong hing...;)
him: yup, taste so good till i didn't notice somebody passed by.
me: marry me then.

***thinking about owning all of kinsella's collection.
1. the five series of shopaholic.
2. remember me.
3. the undomestic goddess.
and there goes my rm200. but before that, need to finish reading another 5 unread book that i bought.

great weekend-happy sunday

having a substitution school for kaamatan leave yesterday. great. working on saturday.
cook something for that mister for dinner last night when it turn out that he was home quite late last night. pity me. tired cooking yet nobody's eating. mister, i'm so kecik hati no matter how many times you said sorry. it's not like everyday i want to cook for you. only on occasion. when i'm in the mood to minta puji. never mind then..:(
everyone now agreed that i'm getting fat and chubby. don't know why. i don't think i eat that much. but i have to agree too. why? because i'm back to size 4. that was my size when i weight around 53-56 kg. i never weight myself anymore. luckily we don't have the scale here. or else i end up weighing myself every day. can't believe i'm in size 4 back!!! then what should i do to my size 2 pants? i have like 5 pairs of them. all are from mango and roxy. one from east india company. wore it less than 5 times each. still brand new..:( should thinking about selling my stuff online. anyone interested? feel free to contact me..;)
what's the good thing back in size 4? i can wear all my pants back. wowee...!!!
yeah, by the way me already delete my friendster and myspace account. deleting my old blog. so i only have this one. and delete a few of earlier entry. just want to forget my so-called uglisita past. don't know why. don't ask. then remember a quote from someone i forgot his name already. i quote "trying to forget your past and it'll bring you back to where you've started", i unquote. great!!!
me thinking of asking dad to buy me a bicycle for my used here. what for? exercise lorr.. jogging makes me easily tired. plus, cycling can shaped a beautiful thigh. maybe this is the time i'm going to have that sexy kelly rowland's thigh..woot woot.. just adding another relevant reason, i can use that bike to go to Sedco, perhaps..:p
so, what say you, big dady? can or not? or else by me new car then. lagi la melampau. but you've promised, right dad?
we're having a bbq party this morning for the school sport's contingent. can't help that much as i don't know what to do. why sabrina scared of kakak (auntie perasan) zila? i guess i'm not that good in handling toddler. sucks!!! what am i going to do to my own baby later. poor me. mister, is that okay with you? i don't have that sense of motherhood...:(

look how sexy kelly's thigh is.....
me want that. me want that.

dad, i want something like this.
doesn't look too boyish, not so girlie
just nice for your baby daughter...:)

p/s: me looking for some blissful by non-stoppingly feeding hershey huggs to my mouth since this morning...;)

lingua franca

a friend ask: why you always fall for a guy who speak english?
me answer: he can charm me with thousands of words that nobody knows what it means literally. and cinta nya sampai ke hati
friend: like what?
me: like when he say something beautiful, i don't have to throw out of his attempt of being romantic.
friend: yeah like what?
me: instead of 'aku jatuh cinta pandang pertama', he said 'you totally had me at hello'
friend: aren't that insanely stupid excuse?
me: aren't insane another name of me?
friend: f@#* y@#
me: :) harder

adore this guy a lot...like real a LOT

you can only said bad things about this guy if you:
1. have such a beautiful voice
2. have his masculinity
3. off course for his handsome face
4. islamic
5. educated
6. a loving father and husband
7. creative
8. super talented
9. and mostly if you ever speak english fluently

p/s: mister, i like the way we texting now. totally english teacher...;)

:(

it's been almost a week i'm doing my work and online using ana's notebook. why? because my notebook's adapter broke down. malatop on sunday night. pity me. then my broadband modem buat hal. can't connect to the network. don't know why. i guess this is just another so super unfortunate week for me. bad luck and all that jazz seem following me from the beginning of the week. what should i do. i guess i really need a new notebook. thinking about owning that pink vaio notebook. but it's gonna cost me an arms and leg. where should i get the money? ask big dad? no way. i just give my parents money last 2 weeks. it's totally humiliation for me if i'm asking some help from dad now. i work now. i start to earn my own money. is it okay if i still asking money from dad? is it okay if i ask dad to buy me new notebook? is it okay if i asking loan from dad? loan? that is the same meaning of asking when it comes to me. but i still love my notebook. he's been with me for almost five years now. the last resort is getting myself a new adapter ASAP. where? the nearest is between LD and sandakan. but have no car here. if i have to wait until i'm home, that would be the end of this month. life's getting harder as i'm getting older. i bet this is just another part of learning the hardest life by the hardest way. i'm just wishing this is the hardest i've ever face. can't take it anymore. sick, broke down gadget, super duper uncool colleagues. enough. can't take it anymore. out of the blue talking about uncool colleague. why? i just knew that someone bad talking me and try to make another person hates me. cut that crap out miss. like we don't know what are you trying to do. i don't know what is your problem with us. did i just hurt you? did i stole your guy? or what? are you jealous with me? of what? me being sexy mama? blame it on my gen cause that's the real reason why i'm so appealing. i got it from my mama....got it..got..got it..
yeah, btw my tonsil is getting better. thanks to that mister for that 12 bottles water.

tempting
pink vaio w
it only cost me rm1999
but this thing is too small
i don't like small thing
zila heart 'yang besar punya...' like this one

pink vaio CW
real temptation
this one cost me rm3299

***shouldn't listen to fizy and pyan's say when i seriously want to buy that CW in kK last week. see what happen when i refused to buy something. it cost me more of losing now..:(

p/s: ikut...
: come

craving...again :)

suddenly in the middle of the night, me craving for this...

i have the milk
but i don't have the oreo
:(

but i do have this super yummy thing...
but i want oreo. i want oreo.
mau juga. mau juga.

p/s: mister, ada oreo ka rumah mu?

hairy me

my hair is getting longer. feel totally uncomfy with long hair. thinking about cutting my hair. but...still not decided yet. thinking about keeping my hair longer. so i look like more girlie perhaps. like Gerard Butler said in the ugly truth "man need something other than your butt to keep hold on to". daymn...since when do i start thinking about what my guy would think about my hair? like i do have a guy in my life right now. zila, wake up!!! you're single biatch!!! yeah once again, i'm sorry for being such a sensitive to your jokes, mister. and sorry to that particular person for being such utter moron. you should learn to get to know me.

back to the bob
or
go for a crop

p/s: mister, what say you? should i or shouldn't i? or you want me to keep my hair longer?

silent is golden kata nya

my gum bengkak. jangkitan kuman dari air. again.
tonsil aku getting worse. sebab kurang minum air.
boleh ka dalam sebulan aku tidak sakit?
become untalkative bunny la for today.
cannot talk.

p/s: mister, told you kan aku nda boleh minum air paip sini. bukan aku sengaja betebiat P.U.J.I.M.I.N.T.A terus.

apa yang aku betul-betul rasa?
mister, help me decide...

O

bad things keep happen to me today.
first i lost the diamond on my ring. yes. my brand new white gold diamond ring. the one that i bought using my own money. my very first paycheck. got it from Lazo Diamond at kK. that one is the last piece from daisy collection. cried my heart out at school today. without tears. only realize it was missing when i keep seeing how beautiful that ring on my finger during drama practice. everyone was shocked when suddenly i'm shouting panicly. pyan, i need to push the 'relax' button. that ring is still new. i don't even have time to take it's picca...:(
second is when ana ask to cut something on my tudung. accidentally, tegunting sekali sampai ke tudung. matai. luckily it's mine. kalo orang lain punya tadi, don't know how. i no longer can wear that tudung.
then when i go out with pyan for dinner just now, takapit tangan ku di pintu kereta. sakit. sakit gila. mau menangis ja aku tadi. kalo nda aku malu sama si pyan, lama sudah air mata ku mengalir. kalo ana sama si fizy tu besa juga tengok aksi meraung ku. damn.

is this some kind of bad omen?

p/s: mister, where's my water? skit lagi mau mati sudah ni...karang boleh la kau gembira kalo aku teda...:(
yan, aku mau _ _ _ _. aku mau _ _ _ _. mau juga. mau juga.

kota keriangan

tumbuk perut 3 kali
tampar bibir
tikam pakai pisau bawang

and there goes my weekend. non-stopingly laughing about this three things. thanks to pyan, joild, fizy and voo. faizal? he's too busy with his tunangan.
told you i don't know what to buy. i buy nothing except new books and a printer. and chocolate. and Mango's stuff. and shoes. and hobo bag. a flip flop. and there goes my list. congratulation. i heart saving..=p
mister, i lie to you. told you i buy nothing. but my list is too long. pardon me.
halizah and zufrey, i'm so kecik hati with you both. i won't go there after this. macam sial ja gaya kamu. perasan busy. won't talk to you.
jalan-jalan di sana bawa giant roxy bag, remind me a lot of my campus life. miss that a lot. the different thing is, now going out with yusri and fizy. before, used to go out with radi, asrul and cik ina. forgot to contact cik ina when i was there. promise her to belanja makan. next time ya dalink. tunggu abang radi here on your convocation day this coming October.

sparkling?

the real reason why i'm coming to your city
just to get this

the shy pilot

the bestest co-pilot one's ever had
chip sir?
cigar? light?

i love this picture a lot

tired and oily face suddenly look chooooo...damn chexy..
what do you think, sir?

a healthy breast that bounce on his italian leather sofa...sweet song from Cake. thanks sir joild for that beautiful quote...=p

p/s: tiap kali aku makan aku ingat kau sini. ko ja tu yang nda ingat aku...=(

miss

mister, i don't kid when i said i miss you. really mean it. i know you miss me too..=p

p/s: lucu la ko ni...
: apa nya yang lucu?