dazzled

i watched twilight series again. i just noticed that Edward Cullen prefer to wear brown leather shoes compare to the black one. it just give him extra bonus for uniqueness. as far as i know, brown leather is the least favourite among guys.

p/s: you, please wear your not-so-new brown shoes to school every day.

don't ever open your cross-legged

i think every concern mum will say this words to her beautiful girl and she will remind her about this until she's getting hitched. i guess so. even when i'm on phone call with mum now she likes to end up our conversation with "jangan nakal-nakal meng". and the message is clear enough to me. there's things that i have to take care of.

it's actually surprised me to know that some of my kids did make love to each other. i shouldn't say make love cause i'm sure there's no love there but lust. what the hell did they think? in this age they supposed to be stuck in library reading all the Blyton's work. or dream about guy as gallant as Rudolf Rassendyll who helped Princess Flavia from the villain trying to kill her fiance. you can do so many things other than exploring each other's body. you'll have plenty of time for it later when you are old enough to be wedded to someone your heart desire. i don't know should i call the girls stupid or whore or whatever that suit them. how come they be so easy to give their virtue to someone as young as them. i'm not talking about the first or second base. but this include penetration and orgasm where they're faced the risk of early pregnancy, STD and whatever issue that might occur later. how can they be this shallow. why can't you think that if he can do such things to you, he might as well do it to someone else. and what makes you think that you're the first one? if he dare to make the first move, i'm sure he has experienced it with someone else before you. if he loved or respected you enough, he won't touch you. not even dare to put his lips on your lips. trust me. even me as a girl, is not dare to touch someone i love mostly. i put a gap between us cause i want it to be special when the time comes someday. don't you want your first time to be very special? to be in the halal way. we have our religion as our guidelines. but it seems like you forget about it. i know in this age everything look so right and challenging to you. you want to try every single thing that people said will give you pleasure. why don't you channel this enthusiasm to something positive? try to fulfil other curiosity. not necessary that part. i'm sure you have a lot of things in your mind. you are young. there's so many things to explore out there. boys, don't ruin your girl if you don't want to be ruined someday. i know that thing is a lot easier on your side. but think about the girls in your family every time you decide to do something stupid to other girl. the moment you put your sword to someone cunt, i'm sure someone else will do the same to your sisters. if you want it not to happen, DON'T EVER DARE TOUCH SOMEONE's GIRL. you will have beautiful girl someday. i'm sure you don't want your pretty girl to lose her virginity at the age as young as 13, right?

i've seen this world longer than you. i've been in a relationship with the same guy for almost five years. if i can control myself, why can't you? if i can wait until right now, why can't you? if i can keep it for the right and legal one, why can't you? life is no different then and now. love yourself. stay virgin. think about the future.

embrace what the mother nature gives you

bought a new bra. it reminds me of the girl in The Devil Wears Prada. remember the girl who get ready for work at the starting? it is something like that. sexy and comfortable for work. who care what i wear inside? i care. to me bra is an essential things that we need to take care of. it supposed to give you fully support and boost up your confident level.

i have women talk with the girls last friday. we talked so many things. from books to movies to Edward to beauty regime. it's hard to be a girl. i'm not complaining. it's just there's so many things that we need to take care of. the skin, you have to keep it moisture and fresh. then need to prevent the wrinkle from coming. have to tone the abs. make sure the arms and feet stay lean. maintain the weight. the most important thing is to keep the boobs and booty firm. it's the hardest part. it is really nice to see a healthy bouncing bosom. but it takes a lot to keep it bounce in the right way. and the booty, make sure it stay firm until you have 3 kids. how? work out. move that lazy ass. eat right way. don't forget the supplement. do your own massage in the bathroom. scrub thrice a week. treat yourself like a princess. that's what i do..;)

it's really hard when you have body like mine. i easily gain and loss weight. if i'm not taking care of it, i'll end up look like a monster with a flabby belly. the weirdest part right now is i lost weight but my breast screaming for cup resizing..^^"

i won't say i'm on diet right now. i decided to do my body. muscle up certain part. tone here and there. i actually craving for Bella's body. according to budak kecik, after i skinny up my body, i should learn to do the expressionless look like Kristen Stewart in Twilight and trying not to smile a lot. smile only to him. start being goofy. i shall do that. hehe.

p/s: it really nice to finally have someone who you can discuss a new novel with. jump with happiness!!!

i just can't stop thinking about Edward in breaking dawn when he wear boxer during the honeymoon. top it with his grunt that sounds like sexual moan. yummy!!!

flightless bird

i'm nothing if not traditional.

i've waited a hundred years

but i'd wait a million more for you

nothing prepared me for

what a privilege being yours would do

if i had only felt the warmth within your touch

if i had only seen how you smile when you blush

or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough

i would have known what i was living for all along

what i've been living for

your love is my turning page

where only the sweetest words remain

every kiss is a cursive line

every touch is redefining phrase

i surrender who i've been for who you are

for nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart

if i had only felt how it feels to be yours

well, i would have known what i've been living for all along

what i've been living for

though we're tethered to the story we must tell

when i saw you, i knew we'd tell it well

with a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas

like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.

it's amazing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and still accept you for who you are. it worth the wait no matter how long.

2 lines appeared

i just received this good news from my long distance friend. having adam alone, already make me envy every time i look at his photo. and now she's having another one. aren't people sometimes blessed more?

when is my turn? i can't wait to play dress up with mine. i'll trade the world just to have mini him inside my belly. Allah, please...please...please...

p/s: if you asked what kind of girl i am, i can only say "i am the kind of girl who read Reader's Digest while filtering drinking water in the kitchen". so you decide.

keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love

this period cramps.

this swinging mood.

this hormonal phase.

in a time like this, i hate being a woman so much.

why can't we have something much pleasure like wet dream???

the open button collar and the hands in his pocket

"i'd rather die of excitement"

The Romantics

she: you inspired me.

he: you inspired me too.

she: then we were supposed to be together.

he: i know.

she: i'm gonna go and i'm gonna tell everyone that you're okay.

he: but i'm not. i'm not okay.

she: you chose this.

you know i'm trying to change this feelings. i've done everything. other guys, other, other, other toms, other jobs, and they say that it gets easier with times, but it doesn't!!!

if anything the more time passes, the more i miss you.

i promise tonight is the last time i watch this movie. i promise not to repeat my favourite scene. i promise not to listen to the ost everytime i'm driving. i promise to break all my promises.

fashion police

tidak sabar mau ada husband sebab mau atur baju dia tiap waktu.

mau tengok dia pakai checkered shirt.

mau beli baju galang untuk dia.

mau tolong bawa seluar dia alter jadi slim cut pants.

mau pilih boardshort sexy untuk dia.

mau cari shirt Qs yang serius gila fit nice di badan nya.

mau make sure dia update dengan fesyen terkini.

mengikut taste saya yang tidak seberapa best ni.

work attire: seed, padini or g2000. paling semmart gila cutting nya baik seluar mau pun kemeja.

checkered shirt yang bole di guna untuk santai dan majlis separa formal: Qs or pdi.

jeans: levi's, gap, cK or ripcurl.

shirt bodoh-bodoh: Qs, cK or billabong.

p/s: sedang gerigitan surfing fesyen lelaki. teringat kemeja bonia pink K yang dia selalu terpaksa pakai sebab pembeli nya beli ikut suka hati nya. sumpah dia lah makhluk Tuhan paling sexy bila pakai baju tu. dia pakai lagi ka sekarang? kalau tengok dia pakai baju tu, maybe boleh meroyan jatuh cinta sekali lagi kali.

ya. begini la kalau terlalu lama menyingle kan diri.

shopping baju lelaki seribu kali lagi best dari shopping baju sendiri sebab lelaki lebih banyak pilihan tapi dorang bangang dan perasan choosy.

lagu best sekarang: we can't be friends by lorene scafaria. it's not about the lyrics. it's more to my obsession for The Romantics and Josh Duhamel..;p

actually it's more to the lyrics especially the part where she said "i wanna be your kind, i wanna make your bed". yeah, i wanna make your bed cause seriously that blue polka dot bed sheet is too gay for you!!! i kid. but i prefer the white one. the unique flowery one.

my heart is a piece of wood

why do you have to listen to him?

why wait for his words?

why only him can make you see the real thing?

why only him can sooth the anger inside?

why?

perhaps one day if he asked you to marry someone else, you should consider to listen to him too.

it doesn't bring any pleasure to this guilt

i easily feel guilty over something.

but it's just a feeling that i have since forever.

guilty doesn't make me a better person who will try so hard to run away from it.

i wont try to fix it or whatever.

i feel guilty a lot lately.

i feel guilty for not going home this school hols.

i just love my house so much i couldn't bring myself to leave it.

i feel guilty to my body for not eating healthily and letting my mind not working properly.

i feel guilty to everyone for not giving them attention they deserved.

i feel guilty to myself for keeping things and stop expressing the way i used to do.

i feel guilty to my heart for torturing it so much i couldn't breath sometimes.

mostly, i feel guilty to the Almighty for not waking up immediately every time i hear the Subuh call.

what hurt the most is i never take an effort to fix all of this guilt. i just remain my stupid emotionless self who keep pretending everyday that everything is going to be okay in the end. honestly, i feel like a loser sometimes. like a moron who doesn't deserved to get the best thing in life. like a jackass who is not worth a single penny. i miss me. i miss the real me who keep hiding behind this jerk with her attitudinal problem. grow up, zila!!! in the end it's going to be you alone against the world.

p/s: i've been spending my days here peeping through my window to see that handsome jeep of my neighbour. i don't know who's the owner. all i care is how macho that red jeep parking there smiling at me with his perfect teeth and thin lips. it's not actually a Jeep jeep. it is an old Land Drover that we called jeep. i always dream to drive one of its kind. perhaps one day i'll spend all my saving to buy that lil thingy and modify it as my heart desire. yeah, it's free to dream.

museum of innocence

i don't know where to begin with this story. i just love everything about it. from kemal and fusun. then kemal and sibel. it's not about obsession. it's about reminiscing the good all days. i don't know. i see myself as kemal most of the time. it's really hard to be in his shoes. having a fling with the woman he loves the most but engaged to someone else that he didn't intend to hurt. i love the way he makes fusun feel. i love the way he describes fusun's smell. what kind of guy who describes a girl's smell as "combination of children biscuits and burnt caramel". can you imagine how sweet the smell is? until right now i still look for that smell every time i enter bakery shop or chocolate house. i love the way they make love to each other. i love the way he suffered when fusun left. i love how he keep fusun's things. i love how he used to come to fusun's family house to have dinner and stealing their things. i love the idea of him creating a museum to keep all his memory with fusun. how crazy it is to even keep a ruler that fusun used to use when kemal tutoring her maths. and then how cute it is to keep sniffing it 24/7 when fusun left. i know it's insane and so very illogical. but i don't care. love is insane. there's no right or wrong when it comes to love. no one put any rules that one should follow when they're in love. people just follow their heart. i love how Pamuk describes their love making session. not too much not too little. it's not like you're reading one of Robert's art of romance but still it gives you pleasure by imagining how sensual it is but not in erotic way. i know i should stop. luckily, it's only in the first part of the book. or else, i will call daddy to give him green light to accept any proposal come. hehe.

still, i wish the story won't end. i'm thinking of reread this book when i really have time.

p/s: perhaps i should start to sniff my marker pen that he borrowed last week. or keep all his food case in my museum. hehe.

i'm actually listening to Candy Shop by Dan Finnerty. can't get enough of how cute this song is.

fetish 2

pesanan teman jauh : stop smelling guy's odour. bila mau berubah? please behave, lala.

dia tidak tau. even a 15 years old boy pun saya curi-curi sniff. ini kan pula lelaki dewasa yang sungguh sangat sedap bau nya.

hanya akan stop bila ada bau yang dapat sniff tiap waktu.

p/s: lately, halifax dengan sandakan rasa macam bersebelah ja.