mabul trip

i so damn wanted to go to this place again.

a temptation a swimmer couldn't resist

they plan a trip to go to this island this coming weekend. and only God knows how much i want to go too. but somehow island give me a creep. it gives me butterfly. no. it's not because the jelly fish incident last kaamatan. it's because every time i think about island, only one thing come in my mind. his happy face and her riding on the banana boat. i saw it with my bare eyes. i thought i'm move on. strong enough to resist every thing about him. but still there's some split of him haunted me whenever i'm ecstatic with my current life. i just couldn't get it off my mind.
a talk with Bryan the other night let my mind occupied with the vision of him. it's not because of love for sure. because i'm so damn certain that i no longer in love with him. it's just it is something i couldn't, i won't get for the rest of my life. even it is used to be mine. i hate myself and the thoughts of him makes me numb. like Bryan said 'be strong for yourself'. how i wish i could. i know i'm strong enough to handle the temptation of thinking about him. it's just my mind couldn't help herself to it. i'm not that strong to let my foot on that white sandy beach. i just can't let myself touch the water. i'm scared.

p/s: kadang-kadang telampau penat berlari dari masa lalu bila ending nya still menghantui. lagi sakit bila rasa itu telah tiada tapi ada cebisan nya yang tinggal as a poison.

the sound of the piano helps me suck up the poison...;)