my weakness

current obsession..;)

melting to the lowest level...drooling...someone please wipe my saliva

qs, rip curl or billabong always define a hot guy

can a guy be any hotter than this in a checkered shirt????

oooppss...sorry...wrong picture

;p

i mean this one

oh my ALLAH, You put me on fire with this one.

p/s: selamat bermimpi di datangi Hood Herlino malam ini. silap lagi. maksud saya Dude Herlino.

rant

one of the best therapy when you stuck at such outback place like bukit garam is going to fung ming, buy junky and eat it in your car while driving alone roaming places.

it's even a bonus when you bump into a cute guy driving his daddy's car and then you realize he is one of the students at school who's now growing up and turn into some kind of yummy brownies. and when he honk you, you suddenly coy and wave him and give your best smile ever. i am a sweet girl and i love to flirt. hehe.

and when people trying to say things like 'life will get better. everything is going to be okay'. you just smile at them and you may curse them silently cause you know pretty well that they are just a bunch of liar who think they can make you feel good about your life when they know nothing about life cause they just so damn lucky to have those who love them.

i sometimes feel like i've been cheated by the Big Guy up there. astaghfirullahalazim. seriously, i'm tired of everything. my life is a mess and i'm a deep shit. i keep avoiding phone call from everyone. i shouldn't have own phone in the first place.

now now, go take your wudhuk and recite the Holy Quran and try to comprehend the meaning and digest it into your beautiful mind. now that i have my Tafsir with english translation, i love it even more. may it brings Barakah to me.

communication is the key to a success relationship

finished reading this book when i'm in my parents place. it is about an arranged marriage between Nina and Ananda. i wonder what it feels like to marry with someone you don't know but you have to just to please every one. just to make things worse, Ananda is having PE (premature ejaculation). i know it's hard for both side. Nina with her unsatisfied needs and Ananda with his own dilemma. but they manage to get through it eventually. i think Eastern guy should learn to explore their body. know what can bring them pleasure and try to relax. most of all is you have to know your body and be comfortable with it.

a good read for a newlyweds i think. so that they can learn how to give and take in relationship. just a small advice from this Miss-act-like-I-know-everything-about-marriage, to the ladies, demand less. and to the guys, you have to learn to listen and observe. and for the record, put aside your bloody ego.

i can no longer hold the lonesome

after what happened between KA and me a few years ago, i find hard for myself to be in love again. i thought i can't let myself drown into the idea of having someone occupying my universe. it is really hard actually. especially if you're living in my surrounding where people expect you to live your life the normal way. i mean, a girl should be out dating a guy her heart desire. moreover for someone like me. according to them (who didn't know me that well), i'm a successful girl with a bright future and good looking with a pleasant attitude. according to them cause this is what i used to hear every time i'm engaged in any family event. "cantik, cikgu english lagi, tak pandai keluar rumah". they don't know that people like them is the real reason i'm avoiding myself to mingle. i hate with all the questions that i don't have any answer to please them.

i'm going to be 27 this year. to me age is just a number. but my body clock is ticking. i'm not going to bored you with all the details i have every time i face the mirror. the complain is always killing me. but deep inside my body, my womb, my ovaries, my uterus, the unfertilised eggs that were expelled every month, what about them? they were busy marking every passing second of my life. this is the biggest problem. every night i dream of a warm embrace from a guy i longed to put a seed inside of me so it will grow to be infant in my belly. every time i see a caring husband with her pregnant wife, i feel like want to hug the girl telling how lucky she is to have the most precious gift in her life. i know my time will come eventually. but when?

yesterday i went out with babby and leon. we talked about everything. leon pop up a question to me about getting married cause she's going to tie the knot real soon. insyaAllah. suddenly i can no longer hold myself. i almost burst into tears but i control it knowing that we're in a restaurant that time. but i can't help myself to meroyan. i usually meditated myself in my room chanting "mau kawin, mau kawin, mau kawin". but yesterday out of the blue i did it in front of them. they seem surprised and asked me to stop. but i can't hold myself. i keep on chanting it but this time with his name at the end of the sentences. i can feel the warm crystal in my eyes. and i can see the pity on their faces. but i don't need the pity. i just need them to know that i myself wants to get married to. it's just a matter of time or in my case, it's just a matter of time, my heart and him.

i've been in love with the same guy for as long as i could remember. i've always have this kind of question : why him? when will i ever stop waiting for him? aren't the waiting itself is hurt enough? i'll wait for him. i don't know until when. but if we're not fated to be together, never mind. for the time being let me enjoy watching him watching me. let me enjoy the secret glance, secret smile. the waiting is hurt more when you keep urging me with the same question over and over again. it's not me who wants this. it's not even my fault for having this stubborn heart. i am someone like this. i set myself into something, i can never unset it to something else. just like the previous relationship. someone knock my door and i let him enter. he remained there until he grew tired and find a new playmate. left me broken hearted. reminds me of an email i received from a guy friend few weeks ago. "a girl like you will always like the hard way when it comes to love. it's because you don't wait for Mr.Right to be right, but you wait the right one to be your Mr.Right". and i know he's one of the person in the list that i turn down for this past few years. i'm sorry.

to you,

i'll wait for you. i wait for some amount of time. i'm just sitting there waiting. you know where to find me. don't feel pressure. i'm not putting any on you. it's your heart. doesn't matter how much i love you. knock my door when you completely ready. when your heart really empty. when it's really clean from the past. cause just like i don't want to force myself for someone else, i don't want you to force yourself for me. i've seen the tortured. i've watched the abused. i don't want to sing the same song my friends sang. i want our song to be the love song. that's all i ask.

periuk nasi

ada orang macam cuba tabur pasir dalam periuk nasi saya. apa la saya mau makan ni? sudah la beras saya cap dua naga. mahal tu. kamu makan beras Nasional ja pun.

ada cerita best dalam periuk saya. baru-baru ni, ada dapat cerita beras kecil mengadu dengan periuk lain pasal saya tidak tau buat kerja saya. konon nya saya hanya tau bercakap saja dalam periuk. banyak mulut. atau saya quote terus la isi nya "we don't like teacher zila. she doesn't teach us properly. she likes to talk a lot". ada lagi versi verbal nya, "dia suka layan budak lelaki ja". comel. hebat. bijak dan berani bertindak. saya suka beras kecil dalam periuk saya ni. tapi dia mess dengan periuk yang salah. dia mungkin tidak pernah menonton movie Don't Mess with the Zohan. ini versi Don't Mess with Zila. kau anak ADUN kawasan ni sekali pun saya tidak gentar. benda ni sebenar nya pernah berlaku waktu season 1 dulu. masa tu saya baru beli periuk ni. exactly the same. aduan nya tu sebijik sama. eventually beras-beras kecil itu mulai kenal siapa bperiuk zila ni. akhir nya, beras-beras kecil ini la yang hampir setiap kali berjumpa saya minta di ajar di periuk baru nya.

saya periuk yang profesional. jadi saya nasihat beras-beras kecil ini untuk belajar cara hidup dalam periuk baru. kalau ada persoalan atau ketidakfahaman, saya suruh mereka jenguk-jenguk periuk saya. siapa tahu saya boleh membantu. kembali kepada aduan beras kecil itu tadi. begini wahai beras kecil, kita hanya memula kan acara menanak nasi baru lapan hari saja. dan saya pun baru saja kenal dengan kamu. normal la kalau kita belum punya sesi tanakan yang serius. beras mungkin boleh jadi keras atau kelembekan sebab terlebih atau terkurang air. saya juga percaya kamu masih dalam honeymoon mood. kalau saya ajar teknik menanak nasi yang serius, pasti kamu boring, bukan? lagi pula kamu tidak tau lagi jenis beras dan periuk ini. tentang saya lebih suka melayan beras lelaki tu pula, komen nya simple saja. lain periuk lain approach nya. saya suka berkawan dengan beras-beras dalam periuk saya terlebih dahulu sebelum mulai menanak nasi. dan selalu nya saya cuba berkawan dengan beras yang paling nakal dan rebel dulu. bila sudah tackle hati mereka baru la saya mula kan dengan yang lain. saya ini bukan gatal periuk nya. tapi lumrah la. kalau periuk perempuan, pasti tertarik dengan beras lelaki yang cantik bersih lagi wangi. itu saja. simple kan. satu pesanan dari saya buat kamu si beras kecil, lain kali, ada apa-apa kekurangan dengan periuk saya, jumpa saya terus dan kasi tau la saya. saya ni flexible orang nya. mampu menerima pandangan orang lain. bukan buat busuk begini. sekarang ni periuk saya sudah terbakar sedikit. mungkin nasi yang bakal di tanak nanti tidak begitu harum bau didihan nya. atau paling kurang pun, berjumpa la dengan beras-beras saya yang kini sudah menjadi nasi-nasi yang berbau wangi dan lagi maha sedap rasa nya sehingga membuat kan periuk-periuk lain berasa gentar untuk menukar nya kepada resepi lain. nasi yang sedap dan wangi di masak apa pun pasti jadi lebih sedap. percaya la.

saya sebenar nya tidak begitu terasa hati dengan beras kecil ini. dia hanya la beras kecil yang belum matang lagi. tapi saya sedikit terkilan dengan periuk nasi tempat aduan si beras kecil. sampai hati dia mengutara kan hal ini kepada si kawah besar. sepatut nya periuk ini berbincang dengan saya dahulu tentang perkara ini. mau-mau lagi bila kami teman seperiuk. rasa di tikam dari belakang. periuk boleh di tikam ka? silap. rasa seperti wayar penyambung tenaga periuk saya di putus kan dari belakang. saya tidak tau apa niat sang periuk ini. saya terasa seperti kredibiliti periuk saya di pertikai kan. memang la saya ni cuma periuk nasi digital Panasonic. saya bukan la periuk nasi Electrolux atau Tefal. tapi saya juga mampu di guna kan untuk memasak nasi. mungkin periuk kamu begitu hebat. kenapa tidak kamu masak semua beras-beras yang ada di sini. moga-moga semua nya menjadi nasi yang begitu sedap dan harum bau nya. saya rasa seperti periuk saya di hempas dari tempat yang tinggi lalu di pijak-pijak dan menunggu waktu untuk di buang. saya sedikit sebanyak putus harapan untuk menanak nasi. mungkin periuk saya boleh di tukar fungsi menjadi steamer.

ikhlas dari saya yang sedang cuba membersih kan pasir dalam periuk saya ini.

p/s: makan cili terasa pedas nya. buat kamu yang kurang kerjaan nya tu, boleh la print out entry ni dan lekat di papan kenyataan.

indah nya ciptaan Allah

sederhana tapi begitu menarik perhatian.

p/s: sedang imagine dia pakai baju Galang nya di hari Jumaat...;)

kata lidah

i wrote bad things about people.

i write because i love to.

i write to express my feelings.

i write to achieve catharsis.

i write because it's a cheaper therapy that i could get.

you may read.

you may like it.

you may judge me.

you may say bad things about me behind my back.

but who ask you to print out my writing? asshole!!! get a life!!!

chasing pavement

dia sibuk mengejar masa silam nya sedang kan aku mengejar nya kini.

masing-masing tidak lelah biar pun sakit meruntun jiwa.

di bawah lindungan ka'bah

hasil pemerhatian saya:

reciting Holy Quran is the best remedy for the gering heart. true story.

it kills the soul once you said it's over

it's raining outside since morning. it's been raining since i was here 3 days ago. i'm not a big fan of humid. cold always freaks me out. i love sunny day. it helps me sleep at noon. it helps me sleep now. in this rainy days. but it doesn't give me the rest i need. i'm not satisfied every time i woke up. i'm not full. i'm still hungry from the sleep. i'm starving for another sleep. i don't sweat. that's why. i hate not be able to make my bed cause i spent so much time on it. i only wake up to eat, bath and solat. i'm glued to the bed. i'm sick of it. can't go out. it makes me thinking. hate it even more. i'm supposed to be happy but i'm not. too many things i have in mind lately.

i changed every password i have. phone, google account, facebook account, cimbclicks account. i try to run as far as i can from him. too bad. when i'm alone, i always think "sudah kahwin ka dia?" or things like "is he happy?" or "does she love him the way i did?".

i hate January. his birthday and our anniversary. just great!!!

JT

every time i watch Friends With Benefits, it always occurred in my mind "indah nya ciptaan Tuhan". referring to JT off course. seriously guys, he is so damn hot in that movie. no one pull jeans like he did. don't even ask when he is in a suit. but with that body i think i prefer he to be naked all the time. haha.

hope and faith

kak lin told babby and eyon in one of their late night conversation about lady-hood. "don't worry. my sister will get married next year."

she seems positive about it. why not me? she knows better. she always know.

i'm not going to put any hope on this. i just keep praying and waiting and hoping a little maybe. as long as i don't put higher expectation. i don't care about all that. i just wish a year from now, picturing myself, pregnant with happiness. only this time with a baby. for real.

Ya Allah, please grant my wish. bella pronto.

i wish i'm that thin little girl with a very lean arms, flat tummy and small bosom. with 32B and xs shirt, size 2 pants. life would be totally different. seriously, it will be different.

knows

maybe this isn't the right time for it.

maybe i'm not mature enough for it.

maybe i'm not ready for it.

maybe it isn't the best.

Allah knows best, Zila.

chasing happiness

yup, i am here. where i belong. bukit garam. it such a joy to finally in my house. to smell the smell of my room. to put my head on my pillow. to lay down on my mattress. the feeling is oh-so-heaven. like you finally found your long lost husband. people will never understand this craziness i have.

yes, i chase my happiness. on my own way. why torturing myself missing when i can touch the sky. catch the star and put it in my pocket? i should have learn to be more realistic. and i think i should start now.

beli

sunyi berabis ni...;(

boleh ka kasi burn rm678 ticket?

seriously, not really in the mood to go out of Borneo.

sudah masuk 3 tahun rasa begini.

bila mau berubah jadi saya yang dulu?

saya sendiri rindu itu.

when i laugh, i laugh my heart out.

when i smile, i smile sincerely.

sekarang itu dalam mimpi ja.

yang pasti, part nangis tu confirm selalu dari hati.

dan lately banyak pula tangis nya.

mana mau beli diri?

it is like this

"it's not with who you spend your friday night with but with who you want to spend the rest of your saturday"

that's why sometimes people tend to choose to be a homosexual. it is true indeed. who cares about who you spend your friday night with. it's just one night and a very short period. and maybe you're not sober that time. you wont remember anything. but the most important thing is with who you want to spend the next day. right when you wake up, looking for breakfast and planning your day. who you want to include in every activity you have in mind. like myself, i will find someone who can spend the rest of the saturday at home, lying on bed, watching movies, experimenting new recipe, reading our favorite book or maybe he read via readers hub if he's not interested with book. just as long as he's there with me reading. in case he has something in mind like going out to enjoy nature, doing some activity like hiking, or out to try a new restaurant with a nice food, i'll join him. i will support everything he wants to do. because that's what relationship is about. you support each other. you complete each other. enjoy the similarity, respect the differences. another thing is, you are willing to spend every saturday for the rest of your life with your loved ones.

sincerely from "the inexperienced but a very observant" me. hahahaha...

i have died everyday waiting for you

darling don't be afraid i have loved you for a thousand years

i love you for a thousand more.

a very beautiful lyrics. especially if you make it as your theme song on your big day. imagine you walk down the aisle, and the groom waiting for you with that nervous smile. can't wait to do his vow to make you his wife. oh-so-beautiful...;)

it supposed to be like this

i once a student of high school. i know what it feels like to have a crush on my teacher. i mean my guy teacher. especially the young, cute and fresh one. but it's just a fling. i always know the limit. i limit myself. and i make sure the teacher limit himself. when i was in form 5 there was this teacher who teach in the afternoon session kind of built a feeling towards me. he used to give me a lot of CDs. full with love song. we were the big fan of Radiohead, Smashing Pumpkin and Matchbox 20. in every CD's cover he always put initial like "my zila". it doesn't bother me at first. because to me, it's normal for a young male teacher to treat their favourite student a bit different. especially the cute one like myself. hehe. i understand that somehow he's lonely. i'm growing up with two guys at home. i know the feelings of being a lonely guy. it's normal for them to say sweet things that sound so promising to us. they are men after all. sweet talker running in their blood. sometimes it made me happy. imagine having someone who seems to understand you. not like your average male friends who are so immature. yeah, life was beautiful. but i started to feel it's kind of weird when your teacher talks about having the same watch, having the same phone, it kinds of creep me out. it's even worse when your female teachers start to have bad perspective about you. this things happen until i was in form 6. seriously, i don't have any feeling to that teacher. because i always know that he is my teacher though he never teach me. i was a new students in that school. i'm not from there. so he never teach me. he teach Science, History and English. i guess that was another reason that bond us together. but i always keep a safe distance. we keep in touch until i was in university. we talked about life and love. when i started dating KA, i told him about it and he was happy for me. and when i'm busy juggling school and KA, we lost contact. the last thing i knew is, he got married to a teacher from my school too. i'm happy for him. whenl i finish doing my bachelor degree, the PPD posted me in my old school as a temp substituting teacher in maternal leave. we met again. and i'm teaching in the same session with him. we still can hang out like before. only right that time we're both an adult. no hushy-washy feeling. but i can feel that his wife is not comfortable with it. so once again, i keep a great distance from him and start to hang out with my unmarried Scout teacher and another new young single male teachers. life was beautiful that time. they gave me a lot of sweet memories of being a new teacher. so much lesson i have learn from them. thanks to them, now i can handle a rascals by yelling and spanking them hard.

what i really want to say here, as a teacher, we have to know what is our limit. it's not wrong to be close to a different gender students. but always beware of our utter, our move. we have to understand that we dealing with hormonal puberty human being. they tend to misunderstood our meaning. sometimes they may build a different idea from what we trying to say. trust me, i once a young girl. and as a student, we have to know where we stand. there's a lot of other shiny young fish deep in the ocean. it's not necessary for us to fall for some old dolphin. enjoy life out there. as a youngster, there's a lot to be explore out there. chiao!!!

sincerely from "the experienced" and tired of makan hati me.

i need a sperm donor

i promise i won't see baby's picture.

i promise i won't spend more time with my pregnant bestie.

i promise i won't go to baby's section in mall.

i promise i won't get nearer to any baby or toddler.

i promise i will control myself.

i want a baby. i want a baby. i want a baby. i want to have someone who call me mummy.

someone please marry me pronto!!!

comel

saya ibarat gajah.

penyimpan yang hebat.

a keeper i must say.

saya pendam. saya simpan.

saya suka makan hati tapi tidak juga kurus-kurus.

saya suka tunggu lama-lama.

saya suka perhati diam-diam.

buat assumption negative tentang diri sendiri.

saya comel.

unfamiliar

this isn't mine. i don't belong here. this isn't my house. not anymore.

every thing is so unfamiliar. from bed, to blanket, to plate, to bottle, to glass, to clothes.

i miss the smell of my own room there in bukit garam. i miss the mattress. i miss my blanket. i miss my closet. i miss my oh-so-minah-indon night dress.

i miss every single thing there at my house. i miss living without tv cause honestly i started to hate the sound of it first thing in the morning for this past few days.

i miss not having someone to talk to. i miss mum's phone call. i miss the eager feeling i always have whenever something excited happen to me at school and knowing that i should tell mum. though mum is here, i just couldn't tell her anything. i prefer phone call than face-to-face conversation.

i was home since last friday. but all i do is locking myself in mum's room. i only out for bath, dine, solat and some random stuff i out of the blue did. i online 24/7. lying in mum's bed watching tv, watching movie on laptop and reading at the same time. you should see all the chocolates and soda i've been indulged myself lately. this isn't healthy.

i miss teaching. i miss yelling to my students. i miss talking to them. i miss our personal time. i miss those secret letter whenever they have things to say but just couldn't say it cause they afraid someone might heard it. i miss replying it.

i miss bukit garam. i miss the scorching sunny days. i miss being able to watch orca from my window. i miss our fridge. i miss my little moment with it eating cheese spread or peanut butter before taking my 10pm shower. i miss sitting in front of it reading Newsweek while my hand busy unwrap whatever i have in the fridge. i miss my oh-so-cold jasmine green tea.

i miss nafilah 1. i miss uncle Othman's free gift whenever we went there and he was there as well. i miss hang out with everyone there.

time, please fly fast and end this lonesome and sorrow...;(

critical thinking

have i ever criticise anything about you?

have i ever say anything about your car?

how you drive?

what kind of song you listen to while driving?

when did you take your driving license?

have i ever?

never!!!

so stop talking nonsense to me.

this is my life.

this is how i run it.

i never ask you to take my ride.

i never ask you to sit in my car observing like you're some kind of officer criticizing every single thing about me.

i never ask you to touch my stereo.

so what if i listen to jazz, indonesian love song and world music at the same time?

so what if i chose to drive orca instead of others?

so what if i drive like a maniac?

so what if i chose something over something?

so what?

is there any rules that bind me to do so?

who do you think you are to question every single thing about my life?

you are no one.

no one.

no one.

you are full of bullshit!!!

3 different generation guys and a girl

part 1

me: pa, dia kali mau datang ke rumah kalau jadi ke Tawau.

bapa: Alhamdulillah...

me: bukan dengan niat itu. datang-datang ja macam biasa.

bapa: Alhamdulillah juga. rezeki tetamu.

part 2

abang man: dik, 28 tahun sudah kau kan?

me: 26 la!!! napa? aku nampak tua ka sampai abang ingat aku 28?

abang man: nda la. saja ja mau psycho kau.

me: napa pula mau psycho?

abang man: mana tau tension kau mau kawin terus.

me: napa juga kamu semua ni? kamu nda suka sudah ka sama aku sampai balik-balik suruh orang kawin?

abang man: nda juga ba. bagus juga tu. sejuk nanti kau.

me: macam-macam la ba abang ni.

abang man: habis kalau kau nda kawin pun, bukan kau keluar pun dari bilik. balik-balik berkurung. ada atau tidak kau di rumah ni sama ja rasa nya.

me: terbiasa ba.

abang man: sana kau sendiri. sini ni banyak kami yang boleh kau hadap.

me: jadi nanti kalau aku kawin pun aku bawa juga laki ku berkurung.

abang man: kalau itu nda apa. nampak hasil nya. productive kamu.

me: bikin gerigitan becakap sembarang.

part 3

kikie: transfer dulu lagu pigi mp3 saya ni. laptop saya rosak.

me: lagu bik ni lain-lain sikit ni kie. sanggup ka?

kikie: hantam ja la. memang ka guru BI jiwang-jiwang orang nya?

me: (terkedu)

p/s: that's why i hate to come home sometimes.

Dani and Nisah's wedding

i attend one of my closest friends wedding yesterday with budak kecik and him. never in my life had attend such a beautiful wedding reception. i feel so touched. feel so calm. i don't know how to describe it. it feels so blessed to be there. the Muslim and Muslimah seated separately. and the music is very quiescent yet entertaining. and if you're single, surely you'll keep thinking about marriage after that. just like budak kecik and i. we talked about it once in car excitedly. and i

admit we did smile silently.

i wish to have a very beautiful wedding one day. fill with laugh and joy, bless and grant, family and friends. a simple one yet so remarkable. i'm wishing...-,-

budak kecik and me

comel

ambil barakah...

;)

apa yang cuba di sampai kan Nya?

adakah Tuhan sedang mempermain kan saya dengan cuba menipu?

atau saya yang sukar menerima realiti setelah hidup 26 tahun dengan hakikat itu?

atau kah ini juga dugaan yang super maha tidak best?

tapi kenapa kini setelah saya mendekat kan diri dengan Nya?

home alone

i'm supposed to finish reading this one.

instead of that, i've been spending my time since friday watching Harry Potter the series. i told you i'm not a big fan of him. but still Harry Potter is one of the best literature that one should read and watch.

left alone is so not cool. budak kecik was off to LD since yesterday to do some errands. she's only going to be back tomorrow. i hate when i'm alone at home. it's kind of creepy sometimes. whenever i'm downstairs, i kind of feel like someone is upstairs. i try to ignore it. but i just couldn't. something keep remind me of 3A story about "orang sebelah". well, it's about someone knocking your door and when you asked who is that, he will answer "orang sebelah". you thought he is your neighbour but he is actually "orang sebelah" or half man. i know it's some of ridiculous tale people used to tell. but when you're alone, everything goes to your mind playing like some silly ad. scary, i know.

i guess Nafilah 1 is my second kitchen right now cause i'm so not in the mood to cook. i have a lot of food stock in the fridge waiting to be cooked. i have pasta and everything. i just hate cooking when i'm alone. i don't know how to eat a decent food alone at home but i can sit at a restaurant having my meal alone. weirdo!!! i promise to make a healthy salad for budak kecik so she can

munch it whenever she feels like eating. she's currently on her weight gaining process. so far she managed to gain 2 kgs in a week. almost reach 40 kg. i am so happy for her. i should take care of her food to make sure she's taking a healthy diet and not having all the carbs and sugary food.

just a kind reminder for myself when i'm driving:

1. TOLONG TEKAN BREAK DI SELEKOH HOSPITAL, DI DEPAN PADANG, SIMPANG MASUK AGRO BANK, SIMPANG PASAR DAN BUKIT MENUJU PERUMAHAN.

2. TOLONG JANGAN MELEBIHI 80kmj SEPANJANG JALAN DARI SIMPANG HOSPITAL SEHINGGA DI SIMPANG SESB.

3. TOLONG JANGAN MELEBIHI 100kmj SEPANJANG PERJALANAN KE SEKOLAH.

4. TOLONG JANGAN MELEBIHI 40kmj DI SEKITAR KAWASAN PERUMAHAN TERUTAMA DI LORONG 1.

5. TOLONG JANGAN MEMECUT LAJU DI BUKIT NAIK KE GATE SEKOLAH.

mau hidup lebih lama kan?

random photo taken from FB group.

seni membuka buras. indah kan?

di tambah dengan tempe dan ayam masak lengkuas.

mood raya tiba awal.

blissful friday

a very thoughtful view from an unknown.

it kills to know that the person you love does not love you back.

it hurts so damn much.

more than you can imagine.

like a stab in deep through your chest.

or even worse.

you fall apart, for the hundredth time.

you love this person with all your heart.

they hurt you worse than you've ever been hurt.

well guess what?

that's what we do everyday to Allah.

He loves us so much, no words can describe it.

yet,

we still forget Him in our daily routines.

sunk deep into the trap of this world full of lies deceit.

how do you think Allah would feel like?

we forgot that this world is just a stop. a sojourn.

we forgot that death can come knocking anytime.

we forgot that we're going to meet Him.

face to face in the after life.

we forgot that He's going to question us.

for every single thing we do in our life.

on that day.

how many of us will regret not being truly in love with Him before?

do we still think that we deserve all the pleasures in this world He gave us?

lets start ask for His forgiveness before it's too late.

andai

andai tiba waktu itu,

aku mohon di persiap kan diri ku,

di beri aku kekuatan untuk mengahadapi nya,

dan di permudah kan penyelesaian nya.

bukan buat mas Fahri, tapi buat Lek Khudori atau juga mas Azzam...

wahai orang yang lembut hati nya,

sudah lama aku selalu mengecam pahit

kelam oleh penderitaan

AKU TAK ADA SIAPA PUN KECUALI ALLAH DI HATI KU

tapi kau datang dengan cahaya

aku ingin menjadi yang halal bagi mu

yang kan kau kecup kening nya

kau hapus air mata nya.

dari orang yang selalu merindu kan cahaya mu.

for you

i wish i can spend my whole day at school cause only there i can see you.

i wish i can spend my whole day at school cause that's the only place i can be with you.

cause whenever i'm with you, i don't have to pretend that i'm happy.

cause whenever i'm with you, is the only happiness i have right now.

at least, you always succeed in making me feel at ease.