habis sudah jaga SPM.
i feel like hell every single moment of it. i know i said there were some bright side of it. but hell, i hate it. this is my first school holiday as a teacher. it is my HOLY-DAY. i should embrace, enjoy every moment of it. for God sake, i'm supposed to go out there enjoying my life or at least spending my precious time with my parrent. they have no one at home. so school holiday is like the golden opportunity for me to pamper and shower them with my love and attention. or at least this is the chance for me to go on a trip with babby and eyon. spending our vacation together. you just don't know how long since our last trip together. it was ages ago. right before i take this job. right before i mess with my life. but here i am trap in this gilded cage. and guess what i'm doing? study for my induction next week. you think this is fair? life ain't fair. not to a girl like me.
best nya orang sudah kerja.
i tell you this. life as a working person is not like a bed of roses as what you always think. babby and eyon used to be jealous of me working and earning my own money. yes i win the bread and you not. just so you know, the bread is only with me for a few days. there's alot of thing you need to settle down. the car need to be paid. the loan, the bills, the everything. so stop saying that you envy my life. i envy you much more. i miss my old life. i miss the feeling of buying without thinking. i God damn miss it. i feel like i want to cry my heart out every time i can't buy something because i need to keep the money for something else later. i hate when i cannot buy that rm189 blouse because i have to save my money for the rainy days. look at you both. you still study yet you are wearing all that branded things. where got the money? mummy and papa off course. i miss those days where i can shop every week without worrying what's going to happen the next day when i have nothing in my purse. all i have to do is dialed daddy's number and my account is full again. life is quite easy back then. now i hate every single moment of my working life. i seriously crying my heart out right now. sounds immature to you? you just don't know how hard it is. it's like i curse every moment of it.
sepa steady kau sekarang?
jesus Christ!!! how many time should i say that i am SINGLE? billion zillion times? stop asking me this stupid question when you know very well i have no one. i'm tired of this silly question. i'm having the time of my life free from any commitment. let me indulge and savor every moment of it before i'm tying the knot with whoever he might be.
and to the old folks, tau la akan kalian bahawa saya PALING BENCI soalan-soalan seperti "kapan sih ni anak bongsu mau kawin?". and every time i said that i am single, they go like "tak juga la ada rupa ada kerja begini, tak ada yang mau". it's not like no one wants me. it's i want no one thing. and stop asking my parrents with this kind of things because they going to push me with this. not daddy off course. but mum, every time we were alone in her room, she starts saying sad things like "nda lama lagi mama mati ni. tapi sebelum tu kalo boleh mama mau tengok meng kawin dulu.". it hurts me every time she talks about dead when i know very well her health condition. and i go like "ma, selagi teda orang lain yang akan jaga saya, mama nda kan mati." and she said like she can't wait for it forever. and just to stop her from rambling about this, i said "mama sudah bosan ka dengan saya sampai balik-balik mau ada orang lain jaga saya?". only the she shut herself from talking about it.
it is hard to be me. don't ever wish to...;(
