someone i belong to

i don't know why suddenly i have this urge to have ADAM in my life
i'm tired of being single perhaps....
i'm scared i might loose my sense of belonging...
i don't want to be dady's girl anymore...
i want to be ADAM's girl...
i want to belong to someone
and yes...i seriously am...

m tired embracing myself for too long
i guess it's time to feel the heat of others

i'm in a very good mood right now
=)
why?
ask big dadyjump with happiness
ada sepa2 mau teman kan?

p/s: please let things happen the way it should be...

fcuking sunday

i miss cuddling big mama while we having this stupid conversation about everything in my life currently and she talks about the memories of her and big dady...
what i really miss is to see the smile on her face everytime she talks about how charming big dady used to be. i guess he still the charming one until right now.

i also miss going for a spree with big dady. miss he nagging me about why should i need another heel when i already have like plenty of it. miss he non stop talking there's no need to buy the branded and pricey one when nobody care about it. big dady: i do care what i wear and to hell with the others.
what i really miss is having unlimited spree when the money is not came out from my humble purse but through his wallet.=)

i miss both of this ADORABLE homo sapient muchos. i trade my life just to have this super duper MULTIKINDNESS persons for the next life.

p/s: Allah please protect Marsden Abden and Enit Donald Jackson while i'm far away from them. And do protect me also. Amen.

what i really want to say here about this place called Salty Hill

what you should know about me for now. the rest, you'll get it in time....=p

first of all, i'm still new here. so, i'm still learning. i LEARN. L E A R N. no need to talk bad behind my back. you have an issue with me, say it in front of my sexy face. daymn. i hate people back talk about me.

second, i don't know what you have here nor i don't even know what kind of culture you have here. so, please again, i m L E A R N I N G. no need to BAD TALK behind me. you have an issue? say it to my sexy face.

third, you don't like what i wear to school? again, say it in front of my fucking sexy face. again and again, i'm still L E A R N I N G. it's just the way i m. SEXY. no matter what i wear. i used to be called as sexy pink by my Ethics class's lecturer, Dr.Tarmizi when i wear nothing sexy but a full covered traditional baju kurung in his class every week. is that my fault born with this appeal? no, right? it's a gift. i repeat a GIFT. well i'm sorry for those who haven't.

fourth, i like being here. i start to like it. please don't do anything that would SHATTER my feeling. please...i beg you guys. though i'm still homeless, but me no longer homesick.

fifth, i HEART my new friends a lot. fizy, ana, hamdani, yusri and masdarwis. mess with one of them, you got me right in front of your nose. understood? they just so adorable. help me a lot. like a LOT. just like yesterday, when somebody complaint about me wearing a legging to school activity, yusri out of the blue, give me his brand new track suit so people stop talking bad about me. isn't he the sweetest thing? heart you a lot yus. i mean it.

sixth, i HATE moody people. if you're mad at someone else, go show your sulky face to the person who worth it. don't show it to me coz i seriously want to say KIMAK to you. doesn't matter if you're a friend of mine, BIATCH.

seventh, i CURSE a lot. so, for those who not used to this habit of mine, i'm sorry.

eighth, i talk and i do thing as i wish. please be tolerate with it. i won't give you a problem, if you won't PORCH my heart. =)

ninth, i'm so GEDIK. and i'm sorry.

tenth, this is just the way i m. so DEAL with it.

steal this from mai's fb

p/s: please heart me coz my parent is far in Tawau. i have no one to love me here.

up up and away update

masdarwis ask me to update my blog about 'acara merentas desa anjuran PPD kinabatangan'.

hasil nya:
SMKBG tidak menjuarai kejohanan...=p

ADAM

i know i lately talking about adam a LOT..like real LOT..it fuckingly scared me. coz in fact i still don't know who the fuck that adam is...coz lately no one for me. i'm just alone. but doesn't matter. i orgasmically enjoying my single life. hope mum will be waiting for that patiently and stop pushing me with this little conversation about ADAM. coz mum, no one here i think would stand to be with a girl like your baby girl..=) seriously mum...

MINDA KU ROSAK KERANA

big dady i want tis stupido thingy

and i want tis super duper hot white chick to replace my super duper bored handbag below
can ka mum?

but the most needed actually is this burberry-craft rain boots =)

what for? it's gonna be rainy season for this coming SMKBG sports day

p/s: Allah, please bless me with great life here in Kinabatangan, please....me begging You.

my mood right now

you help me decide
=)

kajadian here in kinabatangan today =)

our school is having merentas desa aka cross country..awesomeness..
ISWARA leading almost all the categories. i'm so jealouse. it's like they've been choosen their runner since the beginning.
don't ever ask me about the SATRIA.....malar uncit..
i'm the emcee for today's function..and i think i flunk it..=p
by the way, i think i shall love this place since now for i PERHAPS will be staying here for another 3 years unless i'm tying my knot...woot..woot..
and i think i shall love that ADAM for i will be spending the rest of my life with him..=)
only one question: does he smells arrousingly beautiful?
well picture? will be upload it later...

kinda quick post...=p

i know it's been a while. m busy looking for a place to rent here. still got nothing. there's a house at the LPPB. but i can't just simply living there alone. it's too dangerous for a girl like me. haunted house is second thingy. the most important is the place is safe from any danger of mankind. what if anything bad happen to me? what if? Nauzubillah...





p/s: i haven't think about you for quite a long time..but out of the blue today, when i'm in the toilet BERAK, i suddenly running my mind with the thoughts of you..why? because i'm wearing this renoma panty and this wacoal bra that we bought together. well m using my money to buy it but you were there arguing which one i should buy...m the sweetest girl ever, right?
=)

blues

sedang sangat malas dan sangat benci

saya mahu kahwin

i currently listening to ketika cinta bertasbih since last night. keep repeating it..til my roomies said to me "beratus kali ko dengar lagu tu pun nda juga ko kawin sekarang ni zila"....crap kan...spoilt... i m single girl yet i want to get married in this shortest time...ada lelaki yang sudi untuk menasking my hand for marriage di luar sana? come on la..tak kan la teda satu pun yang mau? i don't know why suddenly i have this urge to tie my knot when in fact i clearly know i have no one to ask me. i just feel the clock is ticking and i'm scared i end up alone. i know i'm still young. but i just want that responsibility. i want to be that fuckin responsible woman who always put on her mind she has someone to take care of, someone to love, someone to hug, someone to give my fully devoted love...i miss that feeling. i want to feel belonging. like finding a home to be rested for the rest of your life. i know HE isn't the one for me. like i said i move on. i am actually move on. he no longer in my mind. i just want someone. someone who physically and mentally can stand me. can stand under my umbrella. and let me stand under his umbrella. are you for real, mr.Darcy? is there any guy who really love me for me? not love me for he know there are other guy who wants me at that moment and think he should had me right now or never but than forget how he felt the first time he wants me. i miss everything. i just realize it. but i never had that regretness in me. i know i don't have a lot of time in my condition right now.

me keep wishing for this moment

p/s sangat gedik menulis dalam pink.

mum

mum
i just don't understand boys
why is it so hard t understand them
it's not like it a rocket science
they just another dumb things that i need to understand
they like fashion and make up
another essential thins that i need to know
i don't really know what they want to see in me
i don't know what they really seek in me
i'm just ordinary
why do they have to please me
why do they have to treat me differently from the other girl
why do they have to like me more
i'm tired of them calling me dady's girl though it still true
i'm tired of their weird face starring at me
i'm tired of other asking me "how could you get anything you ever wish for in just a blink of eyes"
i'm tired of answering them "the charm of a girl"
i'm tired of being hate by the other girl
i'm tired of being called MANJA
that's just the way i m
mum
i need you
coz i'm fuckingly miss your wisdom word about this ADAM

rainy days

Is it really necessary

Every single day
Making me more ordinary
In every possible way
This ordinary mind is broken
You did it and you don't even know
Leaving me with words unspoken
You better get back cuz I'm ready for...
More than this, Whatever it is
Baby, I hate days like this
Caught in a trap, I can't look back
Baby I hate days like this
When it rain and rain
rain and rain
When it rain and rain
rain and rain
More than this
Baby I hate days like
Trying to be ordinary
Was it me who was the fool?
Thought you found the man you wanted
Until you turn him into something new
Well even if our minds are broken
There's something that I need you to know
It's nothing like the life we wanted
You better move on
Cuz I'm ready for
More than this, Whatever it is
Baby, I hate days like this
Caught in a trap, I can't look back
Baby I hate days like this
When it rain and rain
rain and rain
More than this Baby I hate days like

I'm not angry
Don't know what to do
After all the years that I spent with you
I can't blame you for the things you say
I was using you just to hide awayisn't he the sweetest?

p/s: me waiting for the fuckin rainbow =)

rasa sangat gay saat ini

sekadar gambar hiasan di kala gay....=p

i'm a teacher, not a silly kiddos

i'm sick of everything here
i hate my life right now
i should feel like a grown up girl
not like a damn hostel girl
i'm so full of hatred with my surrounding
my roomies too
someone should take note on our condition
we're human being
not some insensitive doll
please...Allah bless me soul

p/s-each of us are the baby of our own family..do have some mercy...:(

i no longer in love with you
u no longer haunted me
i love what i have now
Allah loves me
may God loves u too
amen

for the tenth time

I AM MOVING ON

MINI

DESPERATELY need this...

yang menggiur kan

mummy tell dad i want this ba...can ka?

yang ini pun acceptable juga

p/s: pokok nya si big dad mau beli kan..:)

lagi lagi rindu HIM

should i?

I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over

If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love

But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

I build myself up and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

There something about you....everytime I'm with you, I catch my breath...
-Freddie Kingsley

so fucked up with this emotion.....

:(

R=M

saturday morning
menggedik lagi
cause I'm missing someone badly...........:[

missing saat-saat menjalang with this guy
do u miss me sayang?
tentu sekali TIDAK
kerna u kini belong to somone else......
cool kan saya?

fogging

fogging session at the school hostel...punya syal...sangat tidak menguja kan..
why? the kesihatan guy tdk hensem langsung..
misi GAGAL lagi ya teman-teman.....:(
gedik...:p

mcm kebakaran kan

my attempt of being a ninja girl :p


middle east?


camWHORE me


remedy =)

cravio

gila kan DIA




just for this precious gift

said

someone said to me just now:

zila, move on

7th January

It's his birthday....

blow a candle sayang...:0

CRAVING for THIS

I really really want this
PREGNANCY
ASAP

so i could have this lil miss diva...........................so adorable...

ain't she the sweetest?

sandakan trip bebeh

We're, i mean me, fizy, ana, joild and hamdani going to sandakan today on joild's ride. Pity faizal being left alone sbb kereta tidak muat ya..why? There's dua ekor macik penyibuk ikut serta. Me and fizy as we already having our own KWSP penyata. But me gedikly still want to join them with the alasan mau beli sabun cuci..
It takes more than an hour from bukit garam to sandakan. punya cantik sandakan sekarang. ada secret recipe lagi...tapi nda sempat pigi tadi. petang betul sudah...
Well it's not quite a blast. But at least I eat something good today other than all the stuff I eat here in the school canteen. I don't know what I really feel right now.
I miss spree.......................................tadi mau juga...tapi malu sama kawan-kawan baru. I spent my money over chocolate and munchys saja...sweet gila me sekarang...I manage to spent less than rm7 per day. Totally not me. Gila kau!!!! Dad would be proud with me..:)
Crap, my nail terpatah tadi masa buat groceries..tapi nda tau di mana mau buat manicure di sandakan ni. Plus, sekali lagi malu dengan teman-teman baru. I think they laugh at me when I said 'need to redo my nail'..:p
I still miss home...........................................................Kinabatangan totally not me...
When dad gonna come here?

what i really need right now......

not naked silly
PLEASURE

random take
Joild's enlightened JESUS =p

p/s mulut saya sangat syal hari ini kerana telah beberapa kali menpermainkan Jesus...sorry Joild...

nite shadow

adalah dimaklum kan bahawa

SAYA SEDIH
:'(

SCHOOL started...me noded...

My first day at Kinabatangan...we arrived here around 1pm yesterday. Yup the school quite old. But everyone SEEMS nice. The principal is Chinese..Mr.Tan. Need to settle a few document before rest. I'm staying at the hostel because two of my friend being offered becoming the matron. And I'm not. I'm just the 'penumpang' until I find some place. I'm clueless. Everything is new to me. I miss home..
And start from this morning, we're having orientation week with the principal and the PKs. Lots of things we need to know about the school before we start to teach here for like the shortest time is a year, and the longest id FOREVER.....:) awesome kan?
I'm blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I don't hate this place. This is just adjusting moment for me away from my comfort zone to the new place. Don't ask me about teaching. Cause I still have no idea what I'm gonna teach the students. English off course. Again, I miss home.....:(
I wonder how come people from Peninsular want to teach here? I'm sure for MONEY. Don't ever lie to my ass talking about your LOVE with TEACHING cause I can guarantee you no one did that for the sake of in love with the teaching profession. It's all BULLSHIT...
Yup I ramble a lot....I miss home......again...again...again...

the first day

compulsory ok

this morning

sweet kan?

boring at the staffroom

waiting for the 'tuan rumah'

naah...hasil penantian

aku menggedik

K I N A B A T A N G A N

I'm off to kinabatangan tomorrow. Still don't know what i feel right now. Dad said i should be positive about my own life start from now on. I'm starting the new chapter of my life as a teacher. Mum non-stoppingly ask me to watch my word whenever talking to people. Well she knows me best with my LASERNESS.
It's not like I don't know where the place is. It's just I don't know what sort of life people having there. Though it is a small town, I still can't imagine anything. That's why they call it exploring according to dad. I'm not having an urban life when I'm growing up. I used to live in this suburban place since I was a kiddo. Thinking about some place which will take 4 hours ride from my place makes me numb.
I know I won't be having the same comfortability as in home. But this is life. This is the path that I should take as a part of the learning process called LIFE. I don't know. I'm gonna miss my parents and my sister. It's like I just get home for like 7 months from doing my degree and now I'm gonna leave again for I don't know how long. I know they can go visit me there. But it still different. I can't see their face like every minutes of the day. No cuddle. No hug. No kiss. Like who's gonna prepare my breakfast every morning. I'm gonna miss dad wisdom whenever I'm down. I know via phone I can talk to him. But dad not gonna see my sulk face. And mum, I no longer can hug you whenever I cry. This morning me and mum cry again in her room. I know exactly how she felt. Same as mine. But whenever I ask her how can I live there, she smilingly said 'breath meng, just breath'. I know. She's cute, right?
There's a lot of things I'm gonna miss at home. My cat, Selamat. Totally uncool name. Dad named him.
I wish everything will be better with my new life. I wish I could be able to forget about everything that hurt me mostly. I wish I'm grow up. I'm tired being a baby. I'm tired with my so-called wonderful life. I'm tired on denial. I'm tired of HIM.

peeps, do pray for me tonight ya....:)

what am I gonna miss beside mum and dad and kak lin...

my bed...
p/s tolong abai kan bantal bucuk color pink and those novels yg merata


not my lappy..tapi yg d belakang nya tu yg ada symbol E
yup my mini refre in room...




and

finally my kaki...

new year, new place, new job, new title

ok from now on I'm officially a teacher....