tiang

"isteri adalah tiang seri rumah.
kalau berseri isteri itu, maka berseri la rumah."

untuk buat tiang seri rumah, saya prefer kayu malam atau juga merbau.
supaya bila di tinggal lama, pasti akan memecah kaca rumah.
persis saya.
deep.

i can let you love me foolishly, love me foolish-like.

i much prefer the blend of his body odour and polo black

The thing about liking someone is that it is like liking a perfume. What smell nice to you might not smell nice to others or vice versa. All the type of perfume has its own uniqueness. The most important one is every kind of perfume will have its own lover.
He's away for almost a week now for District Level Sports Day. And here i am stupidly missing his smell and blogging about it while eyeing my kids doing their work.
Sometimes, love takes people beyond the imagination of stupidity. Or is it just me?

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i may not have that thick sexy wavy hair, but it is enough to make my guy smile with the smell and the softness

i've been a committed user of L'oreal Elseve collection for almost 6 years. but last month i randomly decided to change my shampoo. it happened on this one afternoon when i was bored at home, i took my car and drove to town aimless. i repeat, aimless.
so i went to The Body Shop to accompany my niece to look for something for herself. i out of the blue start smelling everything and when i tried to smell this shampoo, i fell head over heels in love with the smell. added by the professional talker sales bitch, there goes my rm130 for shampoo and conditioner. hehe
now after a month using it, i can say that i like it to the deepest. start from the smell to the non-parabens contain claimed that it'll help to save the earth. well, all i can say that it helps to volumize my hair. i recommend this shampoo to those who have the not so thick hair. don't worry about the light foam. you'll get used to it after a week of using it.

it smells like candy

i wish i have a husband who can smell my hair 24/7 and i can enjoy watching that cheeky smile on his face

talking about smell, i smell like i'm about to have sex with myself every morning in school.

resemble

tall pretty mummy+ handsome short daddy+ cute baby

can life be any blessed than this?

p/s: kalau tidak esok, mungkin lusa la ni period.

the vow

i vow to help you love life,
to always hold you with tenderness,
and to have the patience that love demands,
to speak when words are needed,
and to share the silence when they are not,
to agree, to disagree, on red velvet cake,
and to live within warmth of your heart,
and always call it home.

i vow to love you now and forever,
i promise to never forget that this is once in a lifetime love,
i vow to love you and no matter what challenges may carry us apart,
we will always find a way back to each other.

you, i know you are not as sensitive, sentimental and as romantic as i am, but deep down in your heart i know you can feel the warm of my love..;)

si pungguk yang rindu kan bulan

keep praying. keep loving. keep hoping. keep waiting.

sakit. tapi asyik.

my missing star

it's like a missing star that always ends up on your sky
it's like the rainbow never comes after the rain
it's like the sun never rises in every of your morning
how am i supposed to live without those things
they are all you.

every littlest things remind me of you.

status

When i was in suria doing some random shopping, suddenly the urge of buying mens work attire strike me. In the meantime, i was whatsapping with budak kecik. I asked her if it's okay for me to buy him one. She replied me, 'apa juga status kamu ni?'.

Sentap.

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Ayden JB

We're just welcome a new born boy named Ayden to our family this morning at SMC. What a beautiful baby with a handsome daddy and a cute mummy.

Oh...i just can't wait to have mini him. Allah please grant my wish faster.

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another 13 days

how long till we call this love, love, love??

heart grow fonder

i'm here and you're there.

that makes two pathetic missing heart.

parting is killing. even for a fortnight. 

needs

i need a new space to write where i can sincerely write from my heart without having a second thought that there are some people who will be offended with what i have written.
i need to move on. or perhaps to move backward. i just want to move cause right now i feel like i'm frozen. i'm going nowhere. i'm stuck in this tormented moment. living in denial. living in lies.
i need someone to slap me hard on my face so i can wake up from this dreamy land. from this so-called comfort zone where nothing is actually comforting.

i'm not okay. i'm not.

ramble

cuaca panas lately.
almost 40 degrees. macam la.
buat diri jadi malas.
tidur tidak boleh.
pakai tank top lagi rasa panas compare dengan big tee.
marathon Lord of the Ring dari pagi.
tengok Frodo, Aragorn dan Legolas, rasa macam di syurga kejap.
tukar caller tone baru untuk dia.
phone bunyi sekali. LINE.
laundry tidak berlipat lagi untuk tiga minggu. penuh menggunung di basket.
atur jadual cuti. atur alasan soalan cepu cemas. atur duit.
june birthday orca. lesen mati. maintenance.
jeans baru. shirt and blouse. perlu coin purse. perfume. buku baru. mungkin juga perlu high heels baru.
cutlery set. kitchenware. dinner set. bed linen.
tiba-tiba.
jeles gila babbas tengok perempuan kurus kaki panjang, perut kempis, rambut panjang, wavy.
super jeles orang ada laki.

bon appetit

the moment when i was texting with him complaining about how scorching hot my house can be sometimes, i'm thinking about food. i'm craving for something milky, cheesy and chocolatey. i don't know why on earth suddenly my appetite turn to something like that. i want something hot yet simple for my teatime. i went down and found a carrot slice leftover from our teacher's day celebration yesterday. i ate it together with budak kecik. but it seems not enough for me. when she was busy with something else, i'm busy cooking scrambled eggs with super extra fresh milk in the kitchen. it turned out so fluffy and moist. i never thought i could make something like that. the milky taste was killing me softly. for a moment i forgot my getting-bigger muffin, my super ideal weight. i let the eggs teasing every part of my mouth and perish me with its taste. when i'm done, i thought of having a second round. but a caught of my thigh suddenly stop me. there goes my kelly rowland dreamy thigh.

i wish he was here so i can pamper him with food and be fat together. gaining weight alone is super not cool..-,-

i thought i was hypotension

i seriously need anger management class. i just slapped 8 kids on their faces for giving pain in my ass during exam. that was after i threw tantrum in front of everyone. everything so out of control. i feel bad about it. real bad. but i just couldn't help myself.
now, i'm just waiting for the HEM to call me.

i'm sorry. i'm really sorry. this PMS is totally killing me.

contentment

he: ada nampak tom cruise ka?

me: ya ada. depan mata saya pakai baju pink. guna aviator baru.

minta puji!!!

handsome short guy+ aviator+ cute baby

is it too much what i'm asking for?

rant

i miss K so much. i know it's wrong. but lately i miss him badly. i gather all my strength to keep him off my mind. i just couldn't. it seems easier to do it at school because i can channel all my thoughts by spending my time starring at H secretly. it sick. i put him in my conversation here and there. i try so hard to remember his smell every time he picked me up from class after his office hour. or to remember his jokes. his smile. his laugh. i just can't forget how he used to make me happy and how happy i used to be. i miss everything. i miss being in a relationship. 4 years alone is too long and sad. sometimes i wonder will i ever be loved again.
i'm not in love with him anymore. i can say it. i'm in love with someone else right now. but things are so hard. i'm torturing myself with something uncertain. and it hurts like hell. i don't know why i keep holding on to it. it may sound stupid but try to put yourself in my shoes. only then you know what fool means.
if only i have a magic to cast a spell on someone. or at least the power of compulsion.

seriously, it's not cool to be alone. imagine going to sleep with no nite and wake up without morning. it sucks. it sucks to know that no one cares about you. it sucks to have no one thinking about you in the wee hours. it sucks to eat alone. it sucks to plan alone. it sucks to spend your weekend alone. it sucks to have no one to share the new book you just read. or the new movie you just watched. it sucks to have no one complain you. it sucks whenever you read funny love quotes and you have no one to share it with. suddenly all the joy and funny feeling turn to despair. it sucks when you cook or eat something good with no one to share it with. it sucks.yeah, it sucks and sad and lonely. i hate it to the deepest. now let's cry together.

seriously???

H

dari kecik tidak mau mati

kurang ajar kan bila ada pelajar yang berani buat sexual moaning time kita lalu depan kelas mereka. rasa macam mau ketuk kepala pelajar tu dengan batang paip biar mampus sekali. kalau gatal betul mau make out, quit sekolah, minta kawin. jangan buat emosi guru terganggu.

ibu bapa, sila pantau anak anda. beri pendidikan seks sewajar nya.

kawinan

Pn.Suhana, Pn.Ziemah. Pn.Harny, Pn. Maya, soon to be Pn.Rusni.

semalam saya attend wedding reception classmate masa form 6 dulu. she turns out teaching at the next door school. saya pergi bersama Pn.Harny dan keluarga. pelik rasa lidah bila sebut puan Harny. haha. di sana saya ketemu ramai teman lama. mostly sudah bergelar puan. ada yang membawa anak. bawa perut. bawa bakal suami. saya saja datang keseorangan. tapi tidak kisah juga. saya suka bila di kelilingi wanita-wanita bahagia seperti mereka. komen pertama saya ketika berjumpa puan Ziemah: "handsome laki kau". dia ketawa. anak perempuan nya juga comel.
bersama mereka malam itu membuat saya rasa begitu muda. tidak banyak yang berubah. sifat dan sikap mereka masih seperti dulu. cara juga sama. cuma sekali sekala perhatian mereka di alih kan pada kehendak suami atau rengekan anak. saya tersenyum. kata teman-teman saya langsung tidak berubah. masih seperti dulu. lucu dan lucah dan suka ikut kepala sendiri. ya teman-teman, saya masih baik seperti dulu. dan comel. ketika bersalaman dengan pengantin, dia bertanya kan H. saya bingung. rasa macam bodoh seketika. tidak ada jawapan yang relevant dengan situasi kami. saya bilang "siapa mau jaga anak-anak nya kalau dia ikut ke mari". rasa pelik sedikit bila mana hidup saya sering di kait kan dengan nama nya. macam sinonim pula. semua nya gara-gara puan harny. saya faham dia cuma mau saya bahagia.
all of this suddenly remind me of K. siapa sangka takdir Tuhan.

lelaki sekali-sekala merajuk, comel berabis ni. tapi bingung sebab tidak tau cara pujuk orang yang jarang merajuk. saya lemah bab ini..;(

turn

i don't know how my McDreamy turn to McSteamy.
this totally ain't cool and might lead to something bad.

that secret glance. that secret smile.
i'd rather die with excitement.

it's like gravity- kata Jacob Black

dengar 81 juta kali pun boleh tidak bosan.
macam first time dengar.
dan sudah hafal lirik dan boleh nyanyi sekuat hati time driving.
heran macam mana rasa itu boleh sama.
mungkin ka Sara Bareilles juga pernah cinta satu lelaki lama-lama?
atau mungkin juga dia selalu jatuh hati berkali-kali dengan lelaki yang sama?
atau ka dia sebodoh saya?

life

he write again. i shouldn't ask for more. i just wish he continue writing. cause at least he gives me a reason to at least do something. read.

when i was in shower just now, my mind suddenly brought me back where i left of. Ramadhan 09. and i cried a little bit. hurts.

i learn not to trust every word from him. cause i should know better what kind of guy he is. the kind of which will pop up the moment you never thought he would. and just like that he's gone. and not to reply him is the wisest choice. good.

my tailor cum aunt is sick until now. so i sent my baju batik to someone here in bukit garam. now i'm going to wear a short kain for the rest of my life. shouldn't blame her. it's my fault for having this fat ass. sucks.

i watch vampire diaries season 3 again today. should find something else to occupy myself from all this vampire thingy. i just couldn't get Damon's hot body from my mind. that beautifully shape wings. that long torso. the not so chesty chest. that naughty smirk. that sexy eye rolling. massive.

novocaine

it was always you.
it will always you.
cause i'll wait in the rain for you.

figuratively

simple yet meaningful.

mengena ni.

i met a guy, we talked and it was epic

i texted him saying how good looking he was that day.
and the next day he wore that checkered shirt that always drives me crazy.
as if he purposely torturing me.

H.

the air i breathe

you're a lonely soul
cause you won't let go
of anything you hold.

dirty laundry

i sometimes love to wear the only K's shirt that i owned. it gives me some kind of indescribable feeling whenever i wear it. feels like home. i love the fresh smell especially when i just took it out from my drawer. it reminds me of his smell. he always has this fresh laundry smell when we hang out at home. that's the reason why i never change my detergent. i want to keep that smell in my memory. it reminds me of before. it reminds me what it feels like to be in a relationship with human being. something that i tend to forget how lately.

things are getting worse between orca and me. i maybe look like the happiest one at my work place. i laugh like i'm having the most awesome life. i smile 'like' sincerely. but once i'm with orca, different things happen. i start making love with him. riding him fast. being a maniac. being a moron. a jerk to him. i love to listen to music loudly. singing like no one can hear me. duh...literally. who can hear me sing in my car.

why do i feel this way? like i have the world on my shoulder and i don't know how to get rid of it. i haven't cried for quite some time. i slowly torn inside.

when can K become H?

or

when can H become mr.H?

another productive day

if we're not stuck with the vampire, we enter the world of magic. i find that strong headed self-centered arrogant brat, Prince Arthur, fascinating with his smirk and sarcastic comment towards Merlin. and he looks dashing in his knight wear. he reminds me of James Franco in Tristan and Isolde.

and i'm trying to finish The Choice by Nicholas Sparks by tonight cause according to my plan, i'm going to finish my exam paper this weekend. as far as i'm concern, i haven't done anything related to school.

did i mention i took a nap every one hour since morning?

you, 

listen to the track when they were making love during the honeymoon.

one

one did not realize that one is gay until someone knock some sense to one's head.