he asked me out that time but i'm too lazy to make time for anyone but myself. i'm engaged to family matters and couldn't find the right moment to go out with him. since then we keep in touch. texting and phone call. i must say it's more to him trying to reach me cause i never text him first. and it took 5 calls before i pick it up. it's not like i'm being mean or whatever. i just don't want to have any contact from anyone in my previous life. life was so fucking awesome and sinful that time. i don't need a person who keep remind me of it. it's not like we talk about it. it's just whenever we talk, we always bring something from behind here and there. i maybe laugh at that time, but once he hung up, i curse every conversation we just made. talking about life and everything. friends and families.
he rang me on sunday afternoon when i was in kK. so i picked it up and he asked me to go out for a dinner. i'm not really in the mood to meet people so i turned him down by saying i'm with some friends. but then when i was having dinner with my friends, he rang again inviting me for dinner. after been forced by my friends i said yes. so we went out.
he fetched me at the hotel and we have our dinner somewhere. i was actually texting with someone else for the rest of our dinner. i'm not paying much attention to him but i was shocked when he suddenly confess his feeling to me. he ruined the night and i insisted him to send me back to the hotel. the rest of the night is disaster to me. i should have thought that the night is meant something to him. right from the moment i enter his car, i know something wasn't right. he is too formal and too charming and all that. i know he's trying to impress me. but i always make myself clear in every conversation we made that i'm sort of having unresolved feeling with someone here. when he send me back to the hotel, before i went out, he said "kita steady la. sa benci life sa sekarang ni. rasa macam mau mati ja". the die part i can never forget cause i giggled when i heard it. then i said "kita different sudah. at least aku yang berubah. i'm not looking for relationship but more to something serious". he asked "kau mau kawin?". i said "ya. aku penat sudah mau jadi macam dulu. kalau kau benci life kau sekarang, kau suru family kau cari perempuan untuk kau. kawin". then i left. he text me that night asking me to give him a chance but i didn't replied it. i deleted all his texts and i come back to Bukit Garam acting like nothing happen on the weekend. i regretted saying yes to his invitation. now i lost another great friend.
hati saya gering dan penawar nya hanya pada dia.
