little that i know

i don't know why suddenly i feel hatred of this place. i hate being here so much i want to put revolver in my mouth then pull the trigger. i'm not in the mood to work since the beginning of the year. little that i know that this feeling never get rid of me even until today. it's april now but i still feel the same. i'm so stress. tortured, suffocated with the surrounding. i despise everything. i cursed everytime i enter the class. i don't prepare my lesson until 5 minutes before it. i am so demotivated by every single thing about school. this is so fucked up. i shouldn't feel like this. this isn't me. i used to love this teaching career. i missed that feeling. i missed staying up late just to prepare a new module to teach my kids. i missed wondering around in book store finding new material for them. and now all i can think is school holiday. a very long vacation where i don't have to iron my clothes. where i don't have to think what to wear tomorrow. where i don't have to wake up early every morning. wait, i am a morning person. okay then. where i can wear a boxer and some tank or baby-t without even care to put my bra on. where i don't have to worry about every single thing. where i don't have to deal with young people. where i am actually away from this tormented place. i feel stranded and alone here. 

gosh, i miss K so much i started to use our picture as my phone wallpaper.