homme

me: so thank you.
he: i didn't do anything.
me: no. you did everything.

tell me, how can i not love you when you are the reason for the better me.
tell me, how can i not love you when we have the chemistry.
tell me, how can i not love you when our hearts combined like a neutron star collision.

i'm not a bitch who keep hurting people who's in love with me

"you're still the same old zila. flirt with everyone, stick to no one," said a friend.

for the record, i don't flirt. i'm just being nice and sweet. if you defined it as flirting, then you got me wrong baby. and why should i stick to anyone? i'm not looking for that kind of relationship. i want something serious. i'm tired of committing myself to things like that where the chances of getting hurt is high. i'm scared. being in love with someone is tiresome. you have to give your full attention. you sacrifice yourself, time, energy and your private space for some uncertain future. for what? so you can get hurt and repeating the same rebound phase again and again. no thanks, baby. i've had enough already. they said love and commitment come hand in hand. that's why i stick to wait for the right one. the one who's going to shake my dad's hand on my big day and promise him that he will take care of his little baby girl. and to that guy i shall give my love and full commitment.
in other words, i'm waiting for that guy to propose. i want marriage. i dreamed about it all the time. only not with you or anyone. i've got my own choice. so stop bickering.

with you

with you, love feels so very ritual.
i love how you've turned me into the "now" me.

and to you i would like to express my sincere gratitude.

salam ma'al hijrah 1434

there are two things i really wish to do for this coming new year:
1. finish recite the Holy Quran.
2. read the Tafsir and comprehend the meaning.

and as you said, may we find the happiness that we dreamed of. Aameen.

i am the one who can walk that mile until the end starts

i don't know why adele always has a song that helps to describe my feeling. this song is really something. the lyrics touched every part of me. being a weeper myself, i actually cry the first time i listen to the chorus. i wonder if i had too much love for him inside of me. it surprised me sometimes thinking about it. it's like i've never tired after all these years waiting, crying, hurting and mostly loving him each day.

when dad asked me about him last night, i asked him back why he likes him. then he said, "he put a smile on your face back". and with that, i spent my night crying myself to sleep..;(

see-through

i know this is maybe nothing to some people but still i would like to send my deepest apology to those who attend our annual dinner last saturday. i didn't realize that my blouse is that transparent. i didn't do the fitting when i bought that shirt since it was from my usual store. i simply asked for my size and paid for it.
i was in a rush on the night when i get ready in the hotel room. i just took off the tag and wore it. only realize that it was transparent when i saw picture on his camera. but i thought it was due to camera flash. so today when a friend tagged me in facebook, i was shocked on how lucent that blouse was. i should have worn it with some tank inside. i feel sad thinking that i have shown my body the whole night to everyone when i should keep it for the right one later. i feel terrible every time i think about it. luckily, this friend of mine deleted the pictures from her wall. thank you, Imelda. you saved me.

O' Allah, please forgive my sins. let me bear it myself and hope not to be burdened it to my dearest father..;(

bersama mu ku temu kan ketenangan

Jika engkau telah berdoa untuk di dekat kan jodoh, jangan sibuk mencari yang jauh. Dia sudah ada di dekat mu.

For you, HK.

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blessed friday, no?

never go to bed with unsettle issues cause you're going to wake up feeling like a shit and it'll determine your mood for the whole day.
i hate having a fight with him. especially when it involved the person i'm not so fond of. i hate to discuss things which clearly the answer will always be NO. he knows me well enough to not to raise the case. so when things like this happened and we both (more to myself) go to bed feeling sad and depressed, i woke up today with fifty shades of gloom.
then when my boss questioned me about my unfinished work, as if i'm not doing my job just because some scum asshole did not do their part, plus i was summoned to his office, i break down. i cried like a stupid person and hating that scumbag even more.
i know that stupid and hate are two mean words that i shouldn't use but i just couldn't help it. i have to use it to describe this stupid fella we have in my work place. i wish i don't have to work with this scum but i have to. like everyone else who trapped dealing with this person. this scum is just so annoying i could spend my whole day cursing this person. i never feel like a shit but i lost control this morning. i wept in front of everyone which is to me one of the stupidest act i've ever shown in public. now i can't stop myself from hating that person. i hate this scum to the deepest. i wish i never met a person like this scum. and i pray that they will transfer this scum to somewhere far far away from my circle. i tried to find some compassion and love inside me but i failed to do so cause all that left is hate and despise for this scum. i pray that Allah will forgive my sin for hating this scum. Ameen.

too much hate lately, zila. clean your inner self before it's too late.