comel

saya ibarat gajah.

penyimpan yang hebat.

a keeper i must say.

saya pendam. saya simpan.

saya suka makan hati tapi tidak juga kurus-kurus.

saya suka tunggu lama-lama.

saya suka perhati diam-diam.

buat assumption negative tentang diri sendiri.

saya comel.

unfamiliar

this isn't mine. i don't belong here. this isn't my house. not anymore.

every thing is so unfamiliar. from bed, to blanket, to plate, to bottle, to glass, to clothes.

i miss the smell of my own room there in bukit garam. i miss the mattress. i miss my blanket. i miss my closet. i miss my oh-so-minah-indon night dress.

i miss every single thing there at my house. i miss living without tv cause honestly i started to hate the sound of it first thing in the morning for this past few days.

i miss not having someone to talk to. i miss mum's phone call. i miss the eager feeling i always have whenever something excited happen to me at school and knowing that i should tell mum. though mum is here, i just couldn't tell her anything. i prefer phone call than face-to-face conversation.

i was home since last friday. but all i do is locking myself in mum's room. i only out for bath, dine, solat and some random stuff i out of the blue did. i online 24/7. lying in mum's bed watching tv, watching movie on laptop and reading at the same time. you should see all the chocolates and soda i've been indulged myself lately. this isn't healthy.

i miss teaching. i miss yelling to my students. i miss talking to them. i miss our personal time. i miss those secret letter whenever they have things to say but just couldn't say it cause they afraid someone might heard it. i miss replying it.

i miss bukit garam. i miss the scorching sunny days. i miss being able to watch orca from my window. i miss our fridge. i miss my little moment with it eating cheese spread or peanut butter before taking my 10pm shower. i miss sitting in front of it reading Newsweek while my hand busy unwrap whatever i have in the fridge. i miss my oh-so-cold jasmine green tea.

i miss nafilah 1. i miss uncle Othman's free gift whenever we went there and he was there as well. i miss hang out with everyone there.

time, please fly fast and end this lonesome and sorrow...;(

critical thinking

have i ever criticise anything about you?

have i ever say anything about your car?

how you drive?

what kind of song you listen to while driving?

when did you take your driving license?

have i ever?

never!!!

so stop talking nonsense to me.

this is my life.

this is how i run it.

i never ask you to take my ride.

i never ask you to sit in my car observing like you're some kind of officer criticizing every single thing about me.

i never ask you to touch my stereo.

so what if i listen to jazz, indonesian love song and world music at the same time?

so what if i chose to drive orca instead of others?

so what if i drive like a maniac?

so what if i chose something over something?

so what?

is there any rules that bind me to do so?

who do you think you are to question every single thing about my life?

you are no one.

no one.

no one.

you are full of bullshit!!!

3 different generation guys and a girl

part 1

me: pa, dia kali mau datang ke rumah kalau jadi ke Tawau.

bapa: Alhamdulillah...

me: bukan dengan niat itu. datang-datang ja macam biasa.

bapa: Alhamdulillah juga. rezeki tetamu.

part 2

abang man: dik, 28 tahun sudah kau kan?

me: 26 la!!! napa? aku nampak tua ka sampai abang ingat aku 28?

abang man: nda la. saja ja mau psycho kau.

me: napa pula mau psycho?

abang man: mana tau tension kau mau kawin terus.

me: napa juga kamu semua ni? kamu nda suka sudah ka sama aku sampai balik-balik suruh orang kawin?

abang man: nda juga ba. bagus juga tu. sejuk nanti kau.

me: macam-macam la ba abang ni.

abang man: habis kalau kau nda kawin pun, bukan kau keluar pun dari bilik. balik-balik berkurung. ada atau tidak kau di rumah ni sama ja rasa nya.

me: terbiasa ba.

abang man: sana kau sendiri. sini ni banyak kami yang boleh kau hadap.

me: jadi nanti kalau aku kawin pun aku bawa juga laki ku berkurung.

abang man: kalau itu nda apa. nampak hasil nya. productive kamu.

me: bikin gerigitan becakap sembarang.

part 3

kikie: transfer dulu lagu pigi mp3 saya ni. laptop saya rosak.

me: lagu bik ni lain-lain sikit ni kie. sanggup ka?

kikie: hantam ja la. memang ka guru BI jiwang-jiwang orang nya?

me: (terkedu)

p/s: that's why i hate to come home sometimes.

Dani and Nisah's wedding

i attend one of my closest friends wedding yesterday with budak kecik and him. never in my life had attend such a beautiful wedding reception. i feel so touched. feel so calm. i don't know how to describe it. it feels so blessed to be there. the Muslim and Muslimah seated separately. and the music is very quiescent yet entertaining. and if you're single, surely you'll keep thinking about marriage after that. just like budak kecik and i. we talked about it once in car excitedly. and i

admit we did smile silently.

i wish to have a very beautiful wedding one day. fill with laugh and joy, bless and grant, family and friends. a simple one yet so remarkable. i'm wishing...-,-

budak kecik and me

comel

ambil barakah...

;)

apa yang cuba di sampai kan Nya?

adakah Tuhan sedang mempermain kan saya dengan cuba menipu?

atau saya yang sukar menerima realiti setelah hidup 26 tahun dengan hakikat itu?

atau kah ini juga dugaan yang super maha tidak best?

tapi kenapa kini setelah saya mendekat kan diri dengan Nya?