me, my dad and mum, we're always have this talk whenever i'm home for a holiday. they just curious why suddenly i changed for this past few years. i rarely go out like i used to do. i know that i'm getting bored. and i don't have any life except bukit garam-work-tawau-holiday. i just don't have the heart for anything. i'm losing my touch since the moment i reach bukit garam. it's not that outback. but that place changed me for who i am right now. i becoming more reserved. less-talkative. i don't mingle with my circle anymore. every time people ask me to go out, i always turn them down with so many excuse when in fact i'm just too lazy to move my butt off my mum's bed. my eyes stick to the tv when i'm in tawau. i cannot stand crowd. and what worse, i start to feel uncomfortable every time all my family gather at our place. i feel like want to go home, i mean to bukit garam right at that moment. and dad can sense it. like few nights ago, my sister and my brothers were having barbecue at our yard. i just don't feel like to mingle so i decided to sleep early. it's because i just don't have the heart. i'm kind of used to be alone. i love my solidarity. i love how me and fizzy spend our time on our own at our house in bukit garam. she's doing her things in her room while i'm doing mine. i prefer something like that.
see...that's how i feel about my family. let alone someone else. one of my brother try to talk to me this evening about my attitude. it really pissed me off. i don't know why. i know he meant for good. i said nothing. i'm getting worse than ever. this is not what i want in life. i know everyone miss the cute me. the charming me. the cuddly me who always have a stupid joke with my brothers. i lost the laugh. i lost the smile. and i know they know it. i'm sorry. i should not. i know how you guys miss your baby sis. just give me some time to enjoy the loneliness.
and to my close friends, sorry for the turn down invitation.
p/s: i think i'm having a problem.
