mahar mu terlalu mahal

i love when we suddenly do really crazy stupid things last night. for God sake, what the hell a 24 and 25 years old little lady doing in car talking. like we don't have a place called home. in fact, we don't. ;p

i bought a tub of mint ice cream but forgot the spoon. then we talk about some random things in our life lately. how man are cow sometimes. how a friend can turn to be a bitch when it comes to man. how i used to be such a naughty girl. none of us really sober that time. we're both drunk with memory. as we talk, the ice cream melting in the tub. because we too lazy to eat it using our finger. we put our feet to orca's glass face. it end up full with a foot print. like a dog paw. only sexier. when i put a titanic hand gesture, she said i'm crazy. but actually it's fun. watching your hands running on the glass. bodoh. then we come to the real deal. how come an average man are not melting to a girl like me. hahahaha...i'm like the sexiest creature God ever created. perasan. let's face it. i know that i have this power to turn man on by just smiling at him. not moving further. not even sending a little flirtation. not even sending a body gesture. i'm 25 and i know what i'm talking about. but to him, it's like i don't have any effect. affectless. i don't know. maybe because i never done those things to him. we usually talking about silly things. or maybe he's different. in terms of what, i still don't know. perhaps in terms of the type of guy i used to date.

we're both come with a sadden conclusion. we have an option. whether he loves to wait longer or he is gay. eat it. sekian.

monolog

kau pernah rasa Tuhan itu tidak adil?
kau pernah rasa Tuhan tidak jawab doa kau?

aku selalu.

tapi bila ingat aku selalu dapat apa yang hati aku desire, terus cancel that kind of thoughts.
terus insaf.
terus royan datang dan buat-buat menangis walau pun air mata tidak pandai keluar.
maka terpaksa la berkurung dalam kereta di garaj waktu maghrib sampai tiada orang sedar.

Tuhan itu maha adil. Dia tidak jawab sekarang sebab mau jawab nanti malam-malam sikit.
jadi bila bangun pagi besok, hari boleh di mula kan dengan senyuman walau pun mata agak bengkak dan berelung.
itu perkara biasa.
sering terjadi.

p/s: sebenar nya aku mau tulis benda lain.

jatuh itu sakit kalau tidak bersambut

if i'm falling like a leaf,
falling like a star,
falling into you,
catch me, don't let me drop,
love me, don't ever stop...



p/s: find the therapy for no matter how hurt it feel when nobody catches your fall...

jangan

saya tidak kacau kau.
tidak kacau barang kau.
tidak kacau hidup kau.
apatah lagi kacau emosi kau.
psychology kau.

jadi kau jangan sikit pun calar hidup saya.
siap kau!!!


p/s: saya tau saya bukan perempuan baik. silap saya pasti kelihatan. silap orang lain pasti tertapuk. yang jahat semua nya pasti saya. tidak kira jika di lihat dari sudut mana pun. tidak percaya? tanya diri kau. macam mana kau selalu judge saya.

the book

"Sometimes I feel like I understand the divinity of this world but then I lose it because I get distracted by my petty desires and fears. I want to be with God all the time. But I don't want to be a monk or totally give up worldly pleasures. I guess what I want to learn is how to live in this world and enjoy its delights but also devote myself to God."

-the book Eat, Pray, Love. Coming out in cinemas 30 Sept 2010


want to watch this movie with you. as i said, you and me. just us two...;)


update:
mau tengok sendiri supaya boleh nangis puas-puas time ending dia sampai bengkak mata. baru boleh sedar hidup sebenar tidak kan sama macam cerita dalam novel yang di filem kan. satu hal yang pasti, hidup elizaberth sendiri banyak di tokok tambah dalam novel ini. that's for sure. macam aku tidak pernah belajar penulisan biography dalam kelas literature dulu.

sampai bila?

another complain i received yesterday. i guess it's not official until the admin is calling me. i'm waiting. and i feel like a shit right now. wtf!!! tidak pandai habis.
the thing is i like to come home late at night when we going out to Sandakan or wherever it is. yeah, i love that. so what if i keep doing that. i'm just a kid. i'm having the time of my life right now. if you don't have yours, don't blame me. your choice, mate. what really get me is how on earth all the admin know about it? tak boleh tengok orang senang ka?
i don't think i would mind if you come home late every night when you are living in a hostel with the students. you are not a students. and so am i. there's no rules to be followed. there's no superior to be obey as long as you know what you are doing. then come the real reason: YOU ARE A TEACHER. KIDS LOOK UP ON YOU. i was a kid before and i never care if my teacher love to clubbing. i used to have a gay teacher. a speed racer. a marriage-wrecker teacher. a teacher who has his/her own night life. that doesn't bother me at all. because to me it's all their business. it's their personal. and i think my students here doesn't care about me coming home late or whatever. i know them better than you. and they know me well enough. and yeah, more than YOU. that's the different. they the one who should judge me. not YOU the stupid fella who listen to what other people say about me and blindly believe it. GROW UP OLD FOLKS.
another thing is, until right now i still don't understand one thing about this place. it's ok for other people to do bad things. but when i'm the one who did it, it's like i just commit the worse crime ever. i guess they love me more. and it is their way to show me their tender loving care. by overprotecting me, criticizing me, bad talking me, eying me every single time. exactly.
give some space for me to breath. you're putting me under your CCTV. give me some time to grow up. be a mature person. but not this way. please. that's all i ask.

berahi dan naik nafsu syahwat

sejak zaman itu lagi sampai kini tidak pandai habis mengidam kan nya.

hasil-hasil persenyawaan minda dan keinginan

nikmati suka
berbagi duka
seiring dengan mu
aku bahagia

life ain't easy babe!!!

terutama buat perempuan seperti ku.
so little time so much to do.

hidup sebagai seorang guru tidak ada seronok nya lately. di timbuni kerja-kerja yang patut di kerja kan lama dulu kali. bukan salah kerjaya. salah guru itu sendiri. ya. aku tau. guru malas itu aku. rasa macam makan gaji buta saja.

hidup di bukit garam itu tidak ada best nya lately kecuali bila malam menjelma. boleh tidur dan berehat. harus terus berfikir untuk membuat keputusan akan tinggal di mana tahun depan. patut lari lebih awal sebelum nama naik menjadi calon warden untuk tahun depan.

hidup dalam ruang ini lagi tidak seronok lately. tiga hari pulang, sekali pun tidak pernah bercakap. di sekolah juga begitu. seolah-olah masing-masing guru baru yang belum berkenalan. malu untuk bertegur sapa. oh, itu kejadian biasa.

hidup perempuan ku jauh lebih worse than anything. hormonal. tidak. bukan sebab PMS. tapi sebab rasa gatal sangat mau kawin. kenapa? sebab aku bosan hidup sendiri. bosan satu bilik dengan fizzy. bukan boleh hug dia pun kalau tidur. hahaha...sebenar nya mau kawin supaya boleh gigit lengan dia.



mari lah bersama
jalani cinta kita apa ada nya

macam best.
memang.
tiba-tiba berkenan lagu ni.

let's get intimate

i don't know what happen to me. but everything seems bigger here. i need a new undies. cause M size can't fit me any longer. and sadly i said cup B no longer can hold my humble chest. please don't tell me i have to get at least cup C. where is the nearest sorella?

current financial status: almost broke.
> got myself and mama new bed sheet from Aussino.
> need to send orca for his second service this friday.
> should i say more about my weakness in handling money?

p/s: yes..i am fasting..

p/s/s: you, :|