until my blood turns into alcohol

only then i'll make my mind up.
about us.

the one that got away

G: how are you?
me: growing.
G: growing? not gaining? maksud?
me: i need a new bra size.
G: what? you double D now? that's nice.
me: you not helping pun.

i called him to wish happy father's day last night. it's funny how he still call me rabbit. it's like nothing ever change between us. it's really a miracle how someone can make you feel loved sometimes. we talked about everything. have a good laugh. one thing i like about him is he is so wise and knows what to say to me especially in my condition lately. before hung up he said, "find someone who can appreciate your wit, ok baby". it makes me smile thinking about that. thanks, G. i really loved you when i'm with you before. hehe.

where can i steal money to buy new bra? seriously, when are you going to finally stop growing?

be grateful

1. i wish that my hair stop growing so i don't have to shave frequently. please bless me with clean supple leg.
2. i wish that my legs are 4 inches longer than now so i can rock my skinny jeans more.
3. i wish i can download new clothes illegally from the internet because i'm so fed up with everything in my closet right now. sadly to say i can't afford to buy a new one.
4. i wish i can wear anything i want to my office instead of baju kurung. why can't i wear pants to school???
5. i wish i can quit my job and do something less stress than this career.

i wish.

walk before run

in one of our night together, i notice some major changes in me. i notice that i'm not strong enough. my stamina was low. my knees were weak. i have no energy. i cannot spend too much time. i used to do better than this. but that was like four years ago. i won't say lack of practises as an excuse. it is just me. i lost interest in almost everything. i lost myself. the most frustrating is to see that un-sated face on the next day versus my glowing shiny face.

yoga and long walk, let's be bestfriend from now on.
please help me to put a smile on that face again.

tanpa hati dan rasa

saya silap larang kau kawin perempuan lain.
saya silap minta kau kawin dengan saya.
saya silap tentang kau.
dari mula lagi saya sebenar nya sudah silap.
kesilapan besar saya adalah lead kau untuk involve dengan saya.
mungkin saya lambat sedar.
but better late than never kan.
sekarang saya lepas kau.
kawin la dengan perempuan lain.
kawin la dengan sepa pun.
saya tidak kisah lagi.
i've had enough of you.
tepu.

kenapa?
sebab kau tetap yang dulu.
and i'm not a cat with 9 lives. kena stab berkali-kali pun tidak pandai mati.
i'm not an angel.
i'm not Mary.

a better happier st.sebastian

why are you frowning when i'm here with you? you smile better.

yes, you were there with me. but...i don't know how to say this. i usually not the type of girl who always want more from others. but with you, i start to want more. i want you. i want you before. i want you right now. i want you even then. i don't know what is the chances for us to be together. i don't know if you worth to try. i don't even know if you want me for real this time. we have fun. you make me laugh. you actually listen to my mumble almost every weekend. and you spoon me which is rare for a guy to do especially when i'm no one to you. i know i said No before. and right now, i don't know how to say yes to you when i can feel that you gaping yourself. i won't regret the No before. but i will hunt you till you say yes once again.

before he left that last morning together, "you deserve to be happy. that face doesn't suit you". and in that moment i swear, we're deserved to be together.