been spending time with nadiah and jerry a lot lately via gtalk and phone. i really feel like they're living next to me. adham growing so fast. last time he was just dodi and next thing you know he's going to be big bro dodi. it's really nice to have someone who knew you inside out where you don't have to pretend. it's totally the break that i really need from my life right now. being open and so free about everything just because you know they will never judge you. seriously, the best relationship ever. i'm so grateful to hear that jerry is actually trying so hard to embrace Islam and practising it for the first time in his entire life. good job, naddy.
there was one time when she asked me whether i'm still a control freak. i was like wtf??? i'm not a control freak. not ever. then she tried to convince me by showing some exhibits. i actually was a control freak. WAS okay. and when i think back, i found that i'm still that control freak who try so hard to control my freak side and hide it deep inside of me. i pretend to be someone cooler, spontaneous and like surprises. it so tiring. but i keep doing it knowing that no guy would like to have a control freak as a girl. i plan everything. even my spontaneous thingy. i plan it very precisely from the beginning so it will look naturally. only God knows how hard i tried to maintain this macho and cool look. but surprisingly, everything comes naturally now. the control freak and the spontaneous me blend together to create the new me. i guess so. nadiah and jerry were laughing so hard when i said this. give it a break, you guys.
i miss to have you in my life right now. i miss to have sleeping partner. i frankly never do what we used to do with anyone. i maybe sleep with a lot of people. but i never cuddle and spooning until the dawn without feeling so gay doing so. i miss to have someone where i can actually say "pause please. i just wet my panty and i need to change" whenever we watched hentai together. i miss the loudspeaker phone call where you guys usually yelled at me to dump that moron. and when you yelled at me again saying "you still the most stupid girl i've ever met. last time you stupid for stick with the guy you don't even love for five years. now you stupid because waiting for your one true love" when i told you about H, it's euphoric. i seriously envy you. you're so smart with all the horticulture thing yet you drop school for the chance of love. i envy with the fact that you're now a smart housewife with 1 and half kids. i envy everything about you though you're not even in size 4. you're totally daredevil and you inspired me a lot. thank you for being in my life once again. and jerry, thank you for your little hijrah. i know how hard it is to actually believe in God when you used to spend your entire life with no belief. you not only make nadiah happy, but also me.
