home

it feels like only yesterday i reached home for the school holiday. now, i'm going back to bukit garam tomorrow. i wish i could extend my stay here. i'm so not in the mood to go to that place. just the thought of work make me sick to death. in fact, i am sick right now. totally not cool.
looking back to all the things i did during the hols, not much actually. i spent time hovering myself at home. went out only when it's really necessary. i've become the potato couch. well, minus the potato off course. i'm not really a chips eater. accompanied by a litres of plain water and healthy cookies. i watched almost everything on tv. what i do realize is my family is not a big fan of drama or movie. they prefer something serious like nat geo channel, documentary or cooking show. while i like to drown myself into hopeless melodramatic movie. am i adopted?
i also finished reading tons of books. surprisingly i can read book and watch tv at the same time. read bibliography from some tortured princess. cried. learnt. and smile at the end of it. when i told mum about the story, she admitted that the father in the book reminds her of her late father. someone who is fussy, very strict and patronizing. now i know where i got that patronize thread. huh!!!
the best thing about this holiday is i fully utilise my time to be with my parents. going out with my favourite rugby player. goofing around with my 4 years old nephew. attaching his lego car, playing battle, hide his mum's phone and all the stupid things. my hands now full of blueish bruises due to being bitten and beaten. but i don't care because somehow it strengthen our bond. ecstatic.

me: i'm thinner now. but why do i feel so turn on everytime i look at myself in the mirror whenever i wear this shirt.
B: i know that. it's the little curve at your back down to your ass. always drive me crazy. always.
me: you're supposed to be my fried.
B: i am your friend. but i'm just a guy.
me: no. you're a pervert with less hot butt.

holly jolly

despite all the religion differences, we are still together blessed by whatever our beliefs are because in the end, blood is always thicker than water. i would like to wish my family wherever they are a very Merry Christmas. let's have fun and pray for miracle to happen to all of us. i love you guys deep-deep. ketat-ketat. thanks for making my christmas even more special with all the wish and token of appreciation. terasa diri ku begitu berharga..;)

btw, frodo cameo in The Hobbit- An Unexpected Journey is so damn cute. i feel like want to squeeze him tightly and kidnap him so i can cuddle him for the rest of the night.

you're an old guy

Happy 31st Birthday My Mr.Lanjut Usia

let's grow old together

but first you're going to need this to get rid of that wrinkles

and lots and lots of this

no matter how old and worn you are,

KAU TETAP YANG TERSEXY DAN TERMUAHHH DI HATI SAYA. 

p/s: i may not text. i may not call. but i'm not sumbung. i just caved myself to give you some space. whatever it is, you know me well enough.

pull the trigger

i play for keep. 

people tend to take things for granted. enaf said.

your hand writing. the way you walk. your sense of fashion. the way you see the world.

"what i want is to be needed. what i need is to be indispensable to somebody. who i need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my intention. somebody addicted to me. a mutual addiction" - Chuck Palahniuk.

hi, my name is zila marsden and i'm addicted to you.

nj and i

been spending time with nadiah and jerry a lot lately via gtalk and phone. i really feel like they're living next to me. adham growing so fast. last time he was just dodi and next thing you know he's going to be big bro dodi. it's really nice to have someone who knew you inside out where you don't have to pretend. it's totally the break that i really need from my life right now. being open and so free about everything just because you know they will never judge you. seriously, the best relationship ever. i'm so grateful to hear that jerry is actually trying so hard to embrace Islam and practising it for the first time in his entire life. good job, naddy.
there was one time when she asked me whether i'm still a control freak. i was like wtf??? i'm not a control freak. not ever. then she tried to convince me by showing some exhibits. i actually was a control freak. WAS okay. and when i think back, i found that i'm still that control freak who try so hard to control my freak side and hide it deep inside of me. i pretend to be someone cooler, spontaneous and like surprises. it so tiring. but i keep doing it knowing that no guy would like to have a control freak as a girl. i plan everything. even my spontaneous thingy. i plan it very precisely from the beginning so it will look naturally. only God knows how hard i tried to maintain this macho and cool look. but surprisingly, everything comes naturally now. the control freak and the spontaneous me blend together to create the new me. i guess so. nadiah and jerry were laughing so hard when i said this. give it a break, you guys.
i miss to have you in my life right now. i miss to have sleeping partner. i frankly never do what we used to do with anyone. i maybe sleep with a lot of people. but i never cuddle and spooning until the dawn without feeling so gay doing so. i miss to have someone where i can actually say "pause please. i just wet my panty and i need to change" whenever we watched hentai together. i miss the loudspeaker phone call where you guys usually yelled at me to dump that moron. and when you yelled at me again saying "you still the most stupid girl i've ever met. last time you stupid for stick with the guy you don't even love for five years. now you stupid because waiting for your one true love" when i told you about H, it's euphoric. i seriously envy you. you're so smart with all the horticulture thing yet you drop school for the chance of love. i envy with the fact that you're now a smart housewife with 1 and half kids. i envy everything about you though you're not even in size 4. you're totally daredevil and you inspired me a lot. thank you for being in my life once again. and jerry, thank you for your little hijrah. i know how hard it is to actually believe in God when you used to spend your entire life with no belief. you not only make nadiah happy, but also me.