so much for bff

i sent a picture of my ex got married to my so-called bff yesterday. and she replied me with "so what?". exactly not what i expected. especially from someone who knows our story since the beginning. of all people in the world, i think she's the one who supposed to understand how i felt that time. but she didn't. i feel betrayed. hurt. i cried in my heart since this thing totally not worth for my precious tears anymore.
wasn't i there when you called me in the middle of the night telling me about your cheated husband? didn't i simply left a party when i'm supposed to spend my time with my super single friends just so i can hear you whine about your disloyal spouse?
thanksalot. i hope your husband keep cheating on you so when you really need someone to talk to, you realize you just have none.

fyi: i forgot to mention that your husband actually keep chasing one of our schoolmate even after being rejected each time. i wonder why. i thought you said you are pretty and great in bed. there. i said it.
have a great life.

no one said it was easy

i'm not really scare about what happened on us in here lately. i mean i am scare a bit. just not that deadly scare because somehow i knew they will protect and put our safety as their priority. and that's what they do to us now. thanks you so much to our ranks of army and police officers. but we've been in this cautious mode since last week. it actually made me feel trapped. the feeling of locked in the house and unable to go out from this place is totally unbearable. i tried to keep myself positive. then two nights ago, out of the blue they blackouted my place. i was asleep at that time. but when i open my eyes, i saw darkness. i can't breath and i'm suffocated. i was claustrophobic since i was little. i start to call my housemate. luckily she's up. it took a while for me to calm down. i knew that moment i may get panic attack and it may turn ugly. then everything back to normal. i texted him telling about the incident. he was so worried and i have to calm him. then yesterday evening he called. it's been awhile since the last one. i don't usually pick up his call since i prefer our so-called textual relationship. but i feel so alone in this place, in this situation and i don't want to make him worry worse. so i picked it up after 3 missed calls. we talked for a while. he asked how was everything here and i briefed him about everything. it feels so weird at first. then i said i'm so not good in this phone call thing with the loved ones. he said it's okay. i'm not so bad for the first timer after a very long vacation. i'll get through this if i often pick up his call in the future. i laughed. i found it funny. it makes me wonder how we are going to talk in person later. i also found a bit odd about our discourse. we chose english as our first language in texting since it is more simple. during phone call, we actually speak in english and standard malay. it just makes me wonder how come we never speak in our mother tongue since both of us are fluent in it. i try to explore things slowly. learn one step at a time if i really want to make this works. i know it never easy. but the beginning is always the hardest part. we'll get through it eventually. whatever it is, we'll see how far things go from here.

yeah, i actually like this guy more than i like The Zahir by Paolo Coelho. and i seriously need glasses right now or i shall say goodbye to reading and night drive.

hingusan

people don't mess with me. they just don't mess with this sweet, cute and adorable zila marsden. but when a little scum who i treated nicely before put a shit on me, i feel like "what on earth has got into your mind?".
i only have one thing to say. GROW UP before it's too late. the world outside is bigger than you can imagine. people get meaner, things get brutal. no one wants to have a psychotic little brat to be their friend. you will be left out. alone. do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? or perhaps you should hire a fake friends to be your clan. pathetic. i pity you.

hidup

manusia bila di bagi pilihan akan pilih yang cantik instead yang buruk.
yang kurus instead gemuk.
yang tinggi instead rendah.
saya memang nampak superficial. tapi hakikat nya akan go pada benda yang people least expect.

schoolmate: i have brain tumour. stage 3.
me: bullshit!!! why now?
i have 2 close people who died because of SLE and brain tumour few years ago. please Lord, not again. i'm tired of losing.

life

he write again. i shouldn't ask for more. i just wish he continue writing. cause at least he gives me a reason to at least do something. read.

when i was in shower just now, my mind suddenly brought me back where i left of. Ramadhan 09. and i cried a little bit. hurts.

i learn not to trust every word from him. cause i should know better what kind of guy he is. the kind of which will pop up the moment you never thought he would. and just like that he's gone. and not to reply him is the wisest choice. good.

my tailor cum aunt is sick until now. so i sent my baju batik to someone here in bukit garam. now i'm going to wear a short kain for the rest of my life. shouldn't blame her. it's my fault for having this fat ass. sucks.

i watch vampire diaries season 3 again today. should find something else to occupy myself from all this vampire thingy. i just couldn't get Damon's hot body from my mind. that beautifully shape wings. that long torso. the not so chesty chest. that naughty smirk. that sexy eye rolling. massive.

life, please don't be so cruel to me

suddenly i start to worry about everything.

first, budak kecik going to get married. that means she's going to apply for transfer. then she's going to transfer to kK. i don't know when but eventually she will.

esan try to be sweet and all that by not forcing her to apply for transfer this April. he's giving a chance for budak kecik to stay with me for another moment. no, actually because he feel so pity for me cause i have no one here. but still it is the nicest thing from a new friend. thanks esan! you're the best..;p

i have a lot of things to worry when she's not around anymore. first and foremost, who's going to prepare breakfast on the weekend? i'm going to wake up hungry..;(

then who's going to prepare dinner? looks like i'm going to have pasta for the rest of my life for dinner. i'm going to be fat...;(

who's going to remind me about school stuff? die..;(

who's going to help me manage my finance? daddy, don't leave me. not now when i still need your wallet to be my backup...;(

who's going to stop me from stuffing my mouth with everything. oh shitty. i'm going to be fat and fugly...;(

who's going to listen to my rant? who's going to be my crying shoulder? who's going to listen to my complain? who's going to say 'you can do this, you can't do that'? who's going to take care of me when i'm sick? who's going to nag me about my attitude? who's going to be my mummy here? who's going to call me stupid whenever i become a total jerk? ;(

oh...i still need budak kecik in my life.

i don't really know where this post is going really.

oh shitty.

stop cursing, zila. mind your language.

jatuh

jatuh lagi buat kali kedua. kaki yang hampir sembuh, bengkak semula. careless. tiada pesanan penaja "careful" macam kemarin kan. sedikit lupa untuk lebih prihatin terhadap diri. sakit. dugaan.

;(

;(

;(

UNSOLVED PROBLEM

1. WORK

i wonder when will i ever stop worrying about work. i know i seldom bring my work back at home. i usually settle everything up at school. i never bring students' exercise book at home. i will make time to check their work at school. i finish my lesson plan. people thought i have nothing to do at home other than watching movie, reading and sleeping as i always say. but actually i still think about work when i'm home. i'm teaching 5 form 3 classes. their future is in my hand. if they failed their English, i'm the one to be blame by Mr. Principal. it scare the hell out of me. what am i supposed to do? PMR is just around the corner and i know my students are not ready for it. i've been trying so hard preparing everything for them. drills, exercise, tests. still it leads nowhere. i'm going to be a dead meat. burn alive by the principal and the admin...;(

2. FINANCE

after almost 2 years of working, i still don't know how to manage my monthly expenses. i always over budgeting myself in everything. still can't live without daddy's money. daddy usually will give me 200-300 a month as a pocket money. that's not included my fuel and any expenses when i'm home in tawau. i have no saving. and what worse, i don't even know where the money gone. for God sake, they don't even have shopping mall here in sandakan. i guess i spent more in food and beverages. no wonder i'm such a fat cow. how am i suppose to solve this? i need a financial manager!!!

3. FEELING

huuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...a very big sigh. i hate how i feel right now. it's like there's a burden inside of me that i have to let go but i just don't know how. emotionally unstable. i just need someone to talk to, someone who can understand me. but i know once i meet this person, i wont talk. not even a single words. cause that's what i am. reserved. so just forget it.

i do flirt, a lot. but i never let things go beyond words. i will only go for someone i really like and i don't get one just for fun. i will wait for the one guy that is potentially the be all and end all.

God, help!!! mati.

what a wonderful world

i went to sandakan yesterday with two most closest person ever, budak kecik and big bird. nothing special happen actually. but at some point i feel so very glad and unconditionally happy without some explainable and logical reason.

start with forcing big bird to join us for his stupid refusal and 'janji melayu' fetching time. what can i say. i'm not even a pure malay. still i can't at least be punctual. reached there around 11 something. straight to Nam Choon to take our lunch. i don't know why i have this little Chinese food appetite. we have a chicken rice with a steam fish. then to Sabah Hotel to settle something and to fulfil our lustrous mouth with a cheese cake. i love the green tea cheese cake and i feel content with the taste of it inside my mouth. orgasmically pleasure. do groceries at Genting Mas. i don't know why i never have the heart to do groceries there. the environment doesn't suits me perhaps. went there just for the sake of big bird. i don't care how cheaper the prices are there. i'm not comfortable with the place. so we went to giant. but before that we stop by at 7 Heaven for a little tea time.

i told you nothing special. but what i love is our way back home moment. we tune to Radio Music. the dj played songs around late 80s and early 90s. we were surprised when we can still remember some of the song. though some of it we don't even heard before. we sing our arz out. scream. not really singing. i'm just so happy. watching big bird smiling. seeing budak kecik laughing. i would trade the world just to see those smiles again and again. euphoric.

p/s: i now weight around 57kg. unbelievable? believe it. devastated for not be able to buy a new Levi's jeans. sandakan outlet is having sale for old item. i tried size 26, unfit. 27, unfit. i'm getting worried. i asked for size 28, unfit!!! i repeat UNFIT. then what is my size now?

routine

it's okay to cook every night

as long as i'm not washing the dish

;)

preterm

i hate when i'm sick and tell my mum about it, and she asked what i have done this time and i said i jogged yesterday and she answered me something like- 'you know you were born premature, why on earth you tiring yourself with things like that? and now you're getting sick and we're not there. who's going to take care of you? bla...bla...bla...mum!!!

life so far

i went to a clinic yesterday to accompany my bff, harny to do some monthly check up. she's pregnant now. i happen to listen to her baby's heart beat. i'm so excited. speechless. euphoric. it's totally miracles. i know how much i want that thing inside of me too. but i'm too scared of commitment. i'm not ready for a married life. it sucks. i know. i saw people get hurt form commitment. though i try to be positive by saying 'just look at your parents and family'. they different. they are lucky to have each other as their partner. i hate hurting people. let alone to be hurt by others. that's why i chose to avoid it. i've been without it for almost 3 years now. i must say 2011 is the most effing fun year. i just love my current life so much until i want to marry it. marrying myself and what so-called inside it. nutsy!!!

it's almost a week i'm home now. i've been spending most time with my beloved Marsden Abden. i love going out with my dad for some unacceptable reason.

1. i don't have to drive.

2. any expense is not come out from my humble purse.

3. i can put anything in the trolley without think twice.

4. i can eat everywhere i want, from mamak house to italian restaurant.

i just love big daddy.

receive few complaint from everyone.

1. you're getting bored.

2. you're no longer full of fun.

3. you don't flirt anymore so we can get discount when dine in.

4. you don't talk that much.

5. you look like 2 months pregnant.

6. get a life.

the number 6 is the most stink one. it's from abang man.

p/s: have you ever met a girl like me before?

: never.

-is it a good thing or not?

that friday night

we went for our ritual ladies' night out last night. but this time we move a little early as we want to have lunch at this Chinese restaurant. but we couldn't make it. so we settle every thing first. doing some errands. buying fridge and washing machines. after that we went to Seventh Heaven because Amoi was so dying to have an ice cream. i take my tea time there with a sour plum juice and a hot dog. yummy. then we went to a book fair at Yu Yuan hall. got myself two new books. The Kite Runner and The Art of Marriage. i just trying to look for some sense why people want to commit in such huge commitment called matrimony. so far i'm in page 24 and i must say i still don't get the real reason behind a wedlock except in the name of religion requirement. seriously, i'm not the kind of girl who would spend the rest of her life tolerant to someone else. i can be devoted to you but i won't listen to you. i can't spend the rest of my life having someone to deal with. i mean i used to make my own decision, but i can't think of having someone that i need to consider in decision making. let alone letting someone considered about myself. i'm not ready for things like that. never mind. when the time come, only then maybe, just maybe i might be ready for it. for this time being, mum and dad, let's pretend that you guys are happy for whatever things i cause, shall we?

later that evening, we went to Ba Lin Restaurant at Nak Hotel roof top to watch the sunset. an incident happened. it's totally funny to me but i don't know to some people like you. we did not order this drink named Mohito. so i just said it's okey. i'm kind of thirsty. a glass of cranberry won't be enough. so i asked the waiter whether it contain liquor or not. he said no. so i took a sip. it's nice. kind of minty and soury. definitely because of the peppermint and plum. suddenly i feel a bit dizzy and can't stop laughing and whine. i told them that i'm drunk. they don't believe me. then my face became red. i look at budak kecik. she silent. as if she was shocked with the things happened. she said go to the toilet and throw out. i said later. i asked amoi to double check with the waiter. it turns out that the drink contain rum. so i was okey la. it's not like it's my first time drinking. but i didn't expect doing that thing with my shawl on. haha...i used to drink margarita and other cocktail. but the effect is different with this one. i can't stop laughing for quite some time. i have to close my mouth with my hand to avoid me from making any scene. i just don't want to embarrass them. so i took some time to calm down and drink a plenty of juice even fizzy's. we took a stroll down the genting mas to make me sober. so when i'm okey, we drive to Post office to have our dinner. then go back home. i feel sorry to fizzy. i just don't expect her to witness such thing. and i'm sorry for myself for once again touching those kind of things. even accidentally. i did throw out after that.

so that's it.

what excite me

satu kelebihan mengajar sesi pagi ialah bila jumaat tiba. saya boleh terus memecut pulang ke tawau dan spend satu malam lebih awal berbanding mengajar sesi petang. seawal pukul 4 kelmarin saya sudah berada di rumah. heaven bukan?

tapi bukan itu cerita sebenar. saya pulang sendiri kelmarin. budak kecik right behind me. tidak sanggup untuk bersama-sama memecut kereta 60-70km/j. hujan agak lebat sepanjang perjalanan dari bukit garam ke lahad datu. setiba nya di lahad datu, hujan sudah berhenti. now this is the real deal. keluar dari shell perdana, saya diiringi vios SS8**** K. i don't even know this guy and that damn car. but something caught my attention. the driver. he is a young bold guy. quite sexy in my eyes. tidak juga handsome. tapi ada kan jenis lelaki yang makin pandang makin handsome. atau lebih senang cakap, makin terserlah kejantanan di wajah nya. ya. saya biasa nya akan melt dengan lelaki seperti ini. dia seperti ingin cepat. saya pun memerlahan kan kenderaan untuk dia memotong. dia overtake saya. but then when he's right in front of me, suddenly he slow down his car and wave his hand signaled me to overtake him. and i was like whattafish he trying to do. i just ignore him. but he keep waving and signaling me to overtake him. so i did overtake him. stupidly, i slow down my car. i can see he smiling and laughed through my mirror. cute. it excited me a little bit. this silly thing we keep doing. macam bangang ja dua-dua. lama tidak rasa perasaan itu. perasaan bodoh. tau? faham? tidak kan? saya memang suka benda bodoh begini. but driving slow bored me. so i overtake the next car in front living him alone behind. surprisingly, dia bodoh-bodoh pun ikut overtake and when he right behind me, he highlighted me and smiling. cukup bodoh. dan bila penat saya pun biar dia begitu dan cuba ikut rentak nya. saya pun enjoy the moment spending my time checking him out through my mirror. naughty smile with a long straight nose. i think he is mix. lama sudah tidak jumpa lelaki kacak. everyone here, i mean in bukit garam have this very typical Sungai face or some Malay face.

i have this boy in my drama team which i think is so handsome. street smart look. cute with his glasses but when he is without, he looks totally ordinary. weird right how simple accessory can do big different to someone's face. but still he do look handsome. and i like his sort-of-carrot pants. it makes he looks like someone from the indie band. by the way, if anyone from school is reading this, go check him out at 4 Anggerik class. his name is Tahashshunan. see...even his name sound so erotic. haha.

home is heaven. because abang man is in leave for two days to attend his wife's niece's wedding and we can spend some time together. i like talking to him. we're having fun laughing last night while watching Animal Planet. his favorite. suddenly he asked me, how's my favorite guy. and i kinda not in the mood to talk about him. so i just said he is doing good and we doing just fine. nothing interesting happen this whole month and we spend our time try to live our life in our own. it's actually more to me trying to live without talking much to him. and i softly said to abang man that i miss someone i can called my man. so to soothe the tense, i laughed and deny it. again yeah, i miss him badly.

p/s: despite all the things that excite me, still i wish it is not that vios right behind my back. i secretly wish it's che maznah...;)

imagination running wild

it would be great if i have a kitchen like this later. i won't mind spending 24/7 in the kitchen cooking and experimenting. no. i won't mind sitting at the table waiting for him to cook or even just starring at him cooking. that would be sexier. man in kitchen totally turn me on. damn!!! imagine he was standing there wearing a boxer and a white pagoda complete with an apron holding a scoop making dinner for me, suddenly he turn around and i can see a food over his mouth and all i have to do is move closer to him, bent a little bit and lick his mouth. a short lick that lead to long nice kiss perhaps. yeay!!! too much imagination. or maybe all i have to do is waiting for him and do what i do best: to be feed. haha...nice kan? enough la, dey!!!

p/s: i miss that smell. i miss talking to him. i miss his cooking. it's been ages since he cooked for me. damn...sulking is taking into a new level of stupidity. Gowd!!! i miss him.

p/s/s: just now i'm teaching my students using the British accent and they kind of like it. they said i sound like the guys from Harry Potter. i like when they enjoy my lesson. we should do this more often...;)

home coming queen

i don't know this girl but lately i spent my time reading her blog. it excites me in a weird way. all she talks about was her day at school and her boyfriend. i feel like i want to steal the boyfriend from her. it's not like she posted his picture or whatever to make me in love with that guy. the way she described him. the attitude. the silliness. the funniness in him makes me want him more and more. he so stupid but she is one damn lucky girl to have someone like him.

it is so unfair for me when others start doing wrong things but never get caught by the highest because no one care to report about it. and when i'm the one who did it, i'm sure the next thing you know, i'll be in the Principal's room answering every single question. i'm not complaining or whatever. it's just please open your eyes. see what you supposed to see. not seeing what do you want to see. for example, i noticed this particular girl likes to wear kurung moden. the one that hugging your body tightly. but no one is complaining about her. NO ONE. and it remind me when i'm still new here, i used to wear that kind of kurung (i still wear it until right now though) i've been called to the superior's room. so i told a guy friend about this. he said something stupid that makes me want to slap him but i just couldn't because he did make a point. he said that girl did not bother anyone at all as she's having not-so-curvy body. and according to him, when i'm the one who wear something like that, every penis in the school will be distracted by me. i was like whattafish are you talking about? she's a girl and i'm a girl. so what's the different? and he said try to see it in a boy's eyes. well, i could not blame you neither blaming me. it's a gift. haha...

it's not like i love to minta puji or whatever. but every day is like a home coming season and i'm the home coming queen. i used to tell him that i'm their home coming queen and guess what i've got? a smirk. i know he could not agree more with the students...;p i'm bumping to a students almost every day at school and it is never a day i missed such a compliment saying how i look pretty today. how good my baju kurung is. how i should wearing kurung cotton every day cause it looks cute on me. how glowing i am. i'm flattered. i do. but the problem is, i'm kind of shy whenever they said good things in front of others. yes. it is indeed the truth. i'm a shy cat. you can't just go and say good things to me in front of the others. i'll get tongue tied and blushing. but it is never a wrong things to dress up. i always make sure that my clothes are pressed and look neat and tidy. it is a nice thing to know that such tiny things like looking good can make a difference. i am not a person who like to spend hours getting ready to school. i always late because i have problem in time management in shower. i am a rather simple person who keeps accesorizing minimal. i don't wear heavy make up. not even a foundation or blusher. i'm just using Loreal White Perfect with Silky White Magic Face Powder. a lipstick and eyeliner. well, that's me. it still nice to see all the students excited. i'm used to the younger ones telling me i look pretty cause they like to say nice things. but the older ones are a little bit reserved especially the upper six. so when they gave that kind of unexpected response, it's not really surprised me...;p but it do made me feel so very happy...;)

another not-so-practical Sunday

so here i am alone in house again. budak kecik is going to LD. i'm just tired to go anywhere. after three days of school sports day, three days of holiday seems not enough to regain all the energy and all the noon nap that i've missed. budak kecik is officially no longer a matron anymore. and that allows us to spend 24/7 together. as if we were couple. yuck!!! haha...

i got a new hair cut last friday. nothing new actually. a fringe with a slightly longer bob. this time around, i just went to the salon, taking all my guts to cut it without asking permission or some opinion from anyone. not even him. though i know how much he likes a girl with a long hair. seriously, does it makes any different? no, right? OMG!!! i'm so brave. haha...i'm happy with the new look cause i look a little bit younger. not saying that i am old right now. so it is true when they said that making some changes to yourself can bring a new energy. a positive force to you. i kinda feel it right now.

remember when i said i start losing weight lately? budak kecik said i look bidak in my cotton pants now. i should firming my body. should do the hill sprint to make sure my butt stay firmer. weight gaining? it's not that hard for me. all i need is a glass of milk and a pack of cookies right before bed time.

too many things happen lately. i so hate hectic chaotic life. even hate the fact that i have to pretend that i like everyone here when actually i curse every time i saw their faces. and whenever i have to talk to certain people, and they treat me nicely, in my heart i feel like 'enough la...stop acting like i don't know what kind of crap you were talking behind my back'. i hate that feeling. why can't anyone be like me? you know when i don't like somebody, i just stop making any contact to them. i won't talk. i won't see their faces. i seldom hate people. only when they do bad things to me then i realize that and i stop be nice and be mean instead. daddy keep asking me to stop acting that way. saying that i am big enough to acting like a child. but i just couldn't. i'm not a kid anymore where i can pretend to be their friends so that i can have a friends to play around. plus, when they no longer a friend to me, it just gives me another reason to talk bad things about them without feeling guilty that i bad talking my own friends. haha. cool kan?

dani asked me yesterday about our little argument that leads to cold-shoulder war. i kind of what? who told you all of this? he didn't said anything but chuckles. off course he was the one who told dani. who else kan? so he did realize about that. that means he knows that it hurts me a lot when he treat me that way. hey!!! i never yell to you. i talk to you nicely. always. all the time. not one time i raise my voice to you. not even when i'm in PMS. is it wrong for me when i expect you to at least treat me the same way i do even when you're not in a good mood? compare to me, in a one whole month how many times did you face mood swing? none. or at least once. me? i'm having PMS a week before the menses and a week after the menses. 14 days and plus another 7-8 days of mood swing during the menses. that makes 21-22 days of 30 in a month. so now you tell me in that time, did i ever yell at you? did i ever make you as my punching bag whenever i'm mad at the students? did i ever treat you badly even when the world start to be such a diabolic to me? now you tell me!!!

ya saya sangat kecik hati dengan kamu. dan saya juga tahu kamu bukan kisah.

p/s: got to go. have to:

1. shower.

2. can i just pretend that it's not my time to cook for lunch today?

3. calling mum to ask for the winter melon chicken soup recipe. (it's raining season again here. i just want to make sure that every one of us stay healthy and not caught any flu or cough)

4. preparing lesson plan for my observation tomorrow.

5. start packing my stuff before moving to Perumahan next week. (mati la. punya banyak barang. should have listen to mum when she said i should stop buying things i don't need)

hey!!! i have not take my breakfast yet.

ramble

have a talk last night with pendekar laut via phone call. not that serious actually. we're gossiping. talking some random stuff about school and life. damn, i miss that guy. we not actually gossiping but more to mengutuk. but the gang is not enough. squidward should be there too. menambah perencah. it's been a long time since i have this kind of talk. budak kecik not so jahat mulut. she seems against this attitude. big bird lagi la. as long as that someone did not talk bad thing about him in front of him, he won't say a lot. such a kind heart person. though pendekar laut no longer in school with us, he still up date with things happen here. we talk and talk and talk. suddenly he mention the new rank of 'bidakness' in school. i'm laughing my arse out. just can't control myself. how can he think of something like that. that's totally brilliant. i never thought of something mean like that. that means i'm such a nice person too. haha. i am an angel after all. only the slutty version of it...;p
it's saturday and here i am stuck in this place called bukit garam. it's even miracle to not going out to sandakan. today activities since i woke up this morning:
1. breakfast with budak kecik at some place they called heaven of nasi kuning and nasi lalap. my POV: the taste is close to heaven compare to ours.
2. house cleaning. it's totally a mess when the weekend come. i just don't have time to tidy it up during school days. i always in a rush since i woke up at 6 am every morning...;)
3. i should take a shower now cause i start to smell like a piglet. haha. not really. i smell ckin2u. bila ni perfume mau habis? masuk tahun ketiga sudah. i just love the smell of it till i use it before bed time. and the smell of aqua lily really awakening me in the morning.
4. have to call kak lin to place my order. she's in kL with the kids now.
5. have to call daddy to confirm some stuff regarding my bimboness.

the complete us during annual dinner last year
pingu+big bird+barbie+squidward+barney+pandekar laut+kelly
now all we need is zaza to be entertain.

i am against polygamy and fat-ass-bitch

baru-baru ini terbaca artikel di facebook mengata kan haram hukum nya bagi wanita menetang poligami.

saya tidak kisah ia nya haram atau tidak. saya tetap menentang nya.

lelaki bila berkata tentang poligami seribu dalil cuba di keluar kan. cuba la di aju kan tentang nafkah dan ibadah. ptuikk!!! haram.

saya bukan benci poligami. cuma saya kurang menerima nya. bukan punya pengalaman. cuma lebih pemerhatian.

cuba saja kaum adam di letak kan di tempat itu. pasti kamu juga cukup sakit.

di dua kan kekasih saja boleh buat kamu terseksa batin tutup pintu hati bertahun-tahun. tidak mampu menerima cinta baru dalam hidup kerana seksa nya di dua kan.

bayang kan la jika terpaksa berkongsi kasih dan penis yang sudah sah menjadi milik sendiri dengan orang lain.

sakit, bukan?

jangan hanya memandang pada keinginan diri dan batin. jauh sekali memperkata kan tentang ibadah dan agama.

kamu bukan baik sangat. tidak semulia mana.

zaman lelaki adil iman penuh di dada tidak wujud lagi sekarang ini.

kasihani wanita. fahami jiwa isteri. ketahui kehendak batin nya.

tidak mendapat payung emas juga tidak mengapa jika proses mendapat kan nya cukup terseksa.

let's stick to the 'one penis for one vagina' policy just like we stick to 'one vagina for one penis'.

***talking about something else, kalau kamu lelaki beriman yang di datang kan dengan pakej lengkap seperti ini:

> 6ft.

> sweet smile with a shining eyes.

> 6 packs.

> not-so hairy.

> with a great sense of humor.

> brilliant mind.

> pious soul.

> sexy ass.

> huge package.

> stunningly good in suit and carrot pants.

> ravish in street smart look.

> delicious with only boxer or maybe board short and white T-shirt.

> dishy feet in flip flop.

dan mampu buat saya teriak dan tersenyum puas selepas 7 kali climax setiap malam, only then i can consider to commit suicide for you.

kalau setakat mulut sama lahanat mencarut nya, solat tidak terjaga, akhlak tidak semulia mana, kamu tidak akan jauh lebih baik dari saya.

p/s: rasa nya semua orang tau cara pemanduan berbahaya saya. tapi saya heran bila ada rumors terbaru mengata kan saya mau bunuh diri dengan memandu laju bila jiwa di sakiti. weird, right?

seingat saya, jarang sekali saya keluar tanpa di temani budak kecik. tidak kan la saya ingin membunuh budak kecik sekali. kalau ya pun mau bunuh diri, banyak lagi cara lain yang tidak begitu menyakit kan.

iman saya tidak setipis itu. keyakinan saya pada Tuhan begitu teguh. amat mustahil untuk saya melakukan perbuatan jahil seperti itu.

sudah-sudah la tu menjaja cerita tentang saya. tidak pernah rasa nya saya menyibuk hal kamu. jauh sekali mau menyebar cerita tentang kamu. hal kamu pun saya tidak ambil tau. apa yang menarik tentang hidup saya sehingga kan kamu begitu suka dengan nya?

satu pesan saya, jangan terlalu di sakit kan hati saya. takut buruk padah yang kamu terima nanti. cukup lama saya bersabar.

p/s/s: high taste? ukur baju di badan sendiri, please.

i happen to love the attraction

Dear friends,

don't expect me to be that sad for what we've known recently. i used to know far more worst things about that particular person. not saying that i'm strong. but to be frank, that kind of things is just a piece of shit. it won't effected me. seriously. talking bad things about others to someone you talk bad behind is normal to them. is like their hobby. they're different. they not like us. we don't go bitching around our friends when they not here with us. when A and B together, they talk about C. when B and C together, they talk about A and when A and C together, they talk about B. and when A,B,C together, they talk some more about other people and laugh their not-so-sexy ass loud. that's their circle. they are a bunch of people who never satisfy with their own life. so when we came with such alluring fun, they become so jealous because they no longer be the apple of the SH eyes. people no longer look up on them. because perhaps, or just maybe, they not so good looking, not that cool like each of us. they feel threatened by us. they envy us. they hate us. so they start spreading rumors about us especially me. creating so untrue story. reporting fake stuff to the admin. back stabbing us. and many more evil things they did to us. too bad, all that things never bother us much. now we can only pity them for having that kind of life. for having that kind of friends. it is not every one is that lucky to have a friends like each of us. though we come from different places, races, religion, we still stand together strongly. and i just want to thank all of you for always be there for me. for supporting each other. for every littlest thing.

to my playmate in bunny land, you guys are awesome. you guys rock.

webby high five!!!