tanpa hati dan rasa

saya silap larang kau kawin perempuan lain.
saya silap minta kau kawin dengan saya.
saya silap tentang kau.
dari mula lagi saya sebenar nya sudah silap.
kesilapan besar saya adalah lead kau untuk involve dengan saya.
mungkin saya lambat sedar.
but better late than never kan.
sekarang saya lepas kau.
kawin la dengan perempuan lain.
kawin la dengan sepa pun.
saya tidak kisah lagi.
i've had enough of you.
tepu.

kenapa?
sebab kau tetap yang dulu.
and i'm not a cat with 9 lives. kena stab berkali-kali pun tidak pandai mati.
i'm not an angel.
i'm not Mary.

you're an old guy

Happy 31st Birthday My Mr.Lanjut Usia

let's grow old together

but first you're going to need this to get rid of that wrinkles

and lots and lots of this

no matter how old and worn you are,

KAU TETAP YANG TERSEXY DAN TERMUAHHH DI HATI SAYA. 

p/s: i may not text. i may not call. but i'm not sumbung. i just caved myself to give you some space. whatever it is, you know me well enough.

your hand writing. the way you walk. your sense of fashion. the way you see the world.

"what i want is to be needed. what i need is to be indispensable to somebody. who i need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my intention. somebody addicted to me. a mutual addiction" - Chuck Palahniuk.

hi, my name is zila marsden and i'm addicted to you.

homme

me: so thank you.
he: i didn't do anything.
me: no. you did everything.

tell me, how can i not love you when you are the reason for the better me.
tell me, how can i not love you when we have the chemistry.
tell me, how can i not love you when our hearts combined like a neutron star collision.

i'm not a bitch who keep hurting people who's in love with me

"you're still the same old zila. flirt with everyone, stick to no one," said a friend.

for the record, i don't flirt. i'm just being nice and sweet. if you defined it as flirting, then you got me wrong baby. and why should i stick to anyone? i'm not looking for that kind of relationship. i want something serious. i'm tired of committing myself to things like that where the chances of getting hurt is high. i'm scared. being in love with someone is tiresome. you have to give your full attention. you sacrifice yourself, time, energy and your private space for some uncertain future. for what? so you can get hurt and repeating the same rebound phase again and again. no thanks, baby. i've had enough already. they said love and commitment come hand in hand. that's why i stick to wait for the right one. the one who's going to shake my dad's hand on my big day and promise him that he will take care of his little baby girl. and to that guy i shall give my love and full commitment.
in other words, i'm waiting for that guy to propose. i want marriage. i dreamed about it all the time. only not with you or anyone. i've got my own choice. so stop bickering.

with you

with you, love feels so very ritual.
i love how you've turned me into the "now" me.

and to you i would like to express my sincere gratitude.

salam ma'al hijrah 1434

there are two things i really wish to do for this coming new year:
1. finish recite the Holy Quran.
2. read the Tafsir and comprehend the meaning.

and as you said, may we find the happiness that we dreamed of. Aameen.

i am the one who can walk that mile until the end starts

i don't know why adele always has a song that helps to describe my feeling. this song is really something. the lyrics touched every part of me. being a weeper myself, i actually cry the first time i listen to the chorus. i wonder if i had too much love for him inside of me. it surprised me sometimes thinking about it. it's like i've never tired after all these years waiting, crying, hurting and mostly loving him each day.

when dad asked me about him last night, i asked him back why he likes him. then he said, "he put a smile on your face back". and with that, i spent my night crying myself to sleep..;(

bersama mu ku temu kan ketenangan

Jika engkau telah berdoa untuk di dekat kan jodoh, jangan sibuk mencari yang jauh. Dia sudah ada di dekat mu.

For you, HK.

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sired to you, a thousand times over

i fell for your thoughts
the way that you said my name
how you make me speechless
i ache to be inside your mind
hear the whisper of your every thought
get lost in your deepest desires
i want you lying down next to me
caressing the soft curves of my face
running your fingers down my back
i fell for you
i ache for you
i want you.

just don't

i maybe the most emotionally immature, unstable and retarded person on earth. but i am trying so hard to change the way i am for the better. so please be patient. have a little faith in me. don't walk away from me. don't turn your back on me. don't leave me without a hand to hold on to. that's all i'm asking. it means a lot to me. you mean a lot to me.

i love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you

according to Coelho, love is narcotic. at first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. the next day, you want more. you're not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things. you think about the person you love for two minutes, and forget them for three hours. but then you get used to that person, and you begin to completely dependent on them. now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. if he's not there, you feel like an addict who can't get a fix. and just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you're willing to do anything for love. sounds pathetic yet beautiful.

fetish

Am i crazy to keep sniffing and enjoying the smell of his hand on my tumb drive that he just gave back?

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think they don't know me, no?

one fine day...
partner in-crime: let's cook.
me: cook what?
pic: what do you have in mind?
me: something lamb-y. i have lamb in my fridge.
pic: where did you get it?
me: bought it last month when he wanted so much to eat my black pepper lamb but couldn't make time to cook.
pic: wah...it must be nice to be H. lucky him.
me: huhh???

yesterday...
(one of the male teacher got an oversize shirt that will never look good on him unless he alter it)
me: you should alter it. you will look ridiculous in it.
the teacher: yeah. i thought so too.
my neighbour: don't listen to zila. she likes to see male in a tight shirt.
me: huhh???

seriously guys, wtf???

that dagu bulat guy

for a long time, he held a special place in my heart. i kept this special place just for him, like a "Reserved" sign on a quiet corner table in a restaurant.

p/s: mr.Patience is the husband of Mrs.Waiting and i am the Mrs.Waiting here.

his sleepy voice is seriously the sexiest one ever

it is really nice to hear the voice of your loved ones before sleep. even when all he can say is "hmmm...why?' "uhuhhhh".
seriously.

pesona

man's finger with a wedding band.

exquisite.

a gift for the undomestic goddess

i don't know where this gift going to lead, but this is totally so random and unexpected.

never in my life had received such gift from a guy. 

thanks H. 

you are so beyond my imagination.

i much prefer the blend of his body odour and polo black

The thing about liking someone is that it is like liking a perfume. What smell nice to you might not smell nice to others or vice versa. All the type of perfume has its own uniqueness. The most important one is every kind of perfume will have its own lover.
He's away for almost a week now for District Level Sports Day. And here i am stupidly missing his smell and blogging about it while eyeing my kids doing their work.
Sometimes, love takes people beyond the imagination of stupidity. Or is it just me?

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resemble

tall pretty mummy+ handsome short daddy+ cute baby

can life be any blessed than this?

p/s: kalau tidak esok, mungkin lusa la ni period.