hingusan

people don't mess with me. they just don't mess with this sweet, cute and adorable zila marsden. but when a little scum who i treated nicely before put a shit on me, i feel like "what on earth has got into your mind?".
i only have one thing to say. GROW UP before it's too late. the world outside is bigger than you can imagine. people get meaner, things get brutal. no one wants to have a psychotic little brat to be their friend. you will be left out. alone. do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? or perhaps you should hire a fake friends to be your clan. pathetic. i pity you.

food for thought

Lagi makan hati berulam jantung. Pahit tapi sedap.

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everyone deserves this fun

planning the near future with someone who includes you in all his far future life plans is fun.
being in love with someone who loves you with his entire heart is just the most fun.

whoever you are, i'm waiting for you patiently.

sired to you, a thousand times over

i fell for your thoughts
the way that you said my name
how you make me speechless
i ache to be inside your mind
hear the whisper of your every thought
get lost in your deepest desires
i want you lying down next to me
caressing the soft curves of my face
running your fingers down my back
i fell for you
i ache for you
i want you.

life is never rainbow and unicorn

imagine someone put you on cloud nine and lift you to seventh heaven. then when you get cozy and all that flower thingy start to bloom, he left. and you're slowly descending. falling. scared to scatter and shatter. once you think you're going to hit the ground, crash and ruin, he catch you and lift you up again. and the cycle goes round and round. no one knows what is the ending. not even you. but you keep going on because you like the pleasure it brings when actually it hurts every part of you.

wake me up when we get to the end part. just make sure it has happy ending.

just don't

i maybe the most emotionally immature, unstable and retarded person on earth. but i am trying so hard to change the way i am for the better. so please be patient. have a little faith in me. don't walk away from me. don't turn your back on me. don't leave me without a hand to hold on to. that's all i'm asking. it means a lot to me. you mean a lot to me.

semua kan ada hikmah nya

because Allah will settle everything for you
when you take care of your relationship with Him.

Ya Allah, please give me the strength i need.

jaded

i am crying over the loss of something i never had. mourning something that never was. my dashed dreams. dashed hope. and my soured expectation. heart and flowers.

while listening to Transcription by Bach.

green monster

i'm not the type of girl who easily get envy. especially not to that harmless creature. but when people keep giving me the same stare, i start to hate everything about it. it is as if they were pity on me. i don't need their pity. seriously, i'm a grown up. i know how to handle things my way. just leave me alone please.
i'm drowning myself into reading lately. it looks like i didn't pay much attention to my surrounding. but actually i'm observing. it's irony when someone despise you for mingle with your opposite sex buddy and turn out that person is the one who keep doing it. it is so unfair and frustrated. i maybe look tough on the outside. but it wounds me for every laugh and every smile he made. and the saddest part is, all that laugh and all that smile is not for me and not because of me.
i'm trying so hard to change who i was for you. for you. isn't that meaningful enough?