Kata Nadiah

This is what my long distance bff said when i told her about my recent serious relationship ever. Probably the worse comment ever yet so damn true. I specially like the part when she said that Arjuna will end up like my big guy while me like my mum. Frankly speaking, that's what i plan to be when we are getting old and grumpy. Still gives each other morning kiss even when we both use fake teeth later. And to have someone so confident about him turning to be my dad is like having fireworks surrounding me. There's nothing i ask more than to have him holding my hand on my dying day with sorrow in his eyes and love in his heart. Too much to ask for, i know.

Whatever it is, i will try my very best to be a good wife that one could ask for. Never doubt this faithfullest heart, Sayang.

positivity

harus bisa!!!

until my blood turns into alcohol

only then i'll make my mind up.
about us.

walk before run

in one of our night together, i notice some major changes in me. i notice that i'm not strong enough. my stamina was low. my knees were weak. i have no energy. i cannot spend too much time. i used to do better than this. but that was like four years ago. i won't say lack of practises as an excuse. it is just me. i lost interest in almost everything. i lost myself. the most frustrating is to see that un-sated face on the next day versus my glowing shiny face.

yoga and long walk, let's be bestfriend from now on.
please help me to put a smile on that face again.

almost

two more days, zila. then you can have the real break that you deserve. kimbet!!! why suddenly time fly so very slow???

fion, glo, chris and me in our batik

going to miss these people.

heart that matter

dear G,
i want to be with you more than electron wants to attach to proton.
never doubt the faithful-est heart.

sincerely,
your rabbit.

when in school

thinking about this, right at this moment...

i want to have my wicked way with you...

in a moment

craving

less complicated kindle for Malaysian market

to finally find this type of bed spread in lilac

doing this

with this guy

while listening to this track on repeat

to you, i'll give the world

to you, i'll never be cold

but for the time being...

status

currently in love with a person who wear brogues everywhere including shopwalking in a mall.

in a relationship with little Englishman aka Last Minute Guy.

avoiding further commitment.

still breathing.

home

it feels like only yesterday i reached home for the school holiday. now, i'm going back to bukit garam tomorrow. i wish i could extend my stay here. i'm so not in the mood to go to that place. just the thought of work make me sick to death. in fact, i am sick right now. totally not cool.
looking back to all the things i did during the hols, not much actually. i spent time hovering myself at home. went out only when it's really necessary. i've become the potato couch. well, minus the potato off course. i'm not really a chips eater. accompanied by a litres of plain water and healthy cookies. i watched almost everything on tv. what i do realize is my family is not a big fan of drama or movie. they prefer something serious like nat geo channel, documentary or cooking show. while i like to drown myself into hopeless melodramatic movie. am i adopted?
i also finished reading tons of books. surprisingly i can read book and watch tv at the same time. read bibliography from some tortured princess. cried. learnt. and smile at the end of it. when i told mum about the story, she admitted that the father in the book reminds her of her late father. someone who is fussy, very strict and patronizing. now i know where i got that patronize thread. huh!!!
the best thing about this holiday is i fully utilise my time to be with my parents. going out with my favourite rugby player. goofing around with my 4 years old nephew. attaching his lego car, playing battle, hide his mum's phone and all the stupid things. my hands now full of blueish bruises due to being bitten and beaten. but i don't care because somehow it strengthen our bond. ecstatic.

me: i'm thinner now. but why do i feel so turn on everytime i look at myself in the mirror whenever i wear this shirt.
B: i know that. it's the little curve at your back down to your ass. always drive me crazy. always.
me: you're supposed to be my fried.
B: i am your friend. but i'm just a guy.
me: no. you're a pervert with less hot butt.

holly jolly

despite all the religion differences, we are still together blessed by whatever our beliefs are because in the end, blood is always thicker than water. i would like to wish my family wherever they are a very Merry Christmas. let's have fun and pray for miracle to happen to all of us. i love you guys deep-deep. ketat-ketat. thanks for making my christmas even more special with all the wish and token of appreciation. terasa diri ku begitu berharga..;)

btw, frodo cameo in The Hobbit- An Unexpected Journey is so damn cute. i feel like want to squeeze him tightly and kidnap him so i can cuddle him for the rest of the night.

nj and i

been spending time with nadiah and jerry a lot lately via gtalk and phone. i really feel like they're living next to me. adham growing so fast. last time he was just dodi and next thing you know he's going to be big bro dodi. it's really nice to have someone who knew you inside out where you don't have to pretend. it's totally the break that i really need from my life right now. being open and so free about everything just because you know they will never judge you. seriously, the best relationship ever. i'm so grateful to hear that jerry is actually trying so hard to embrace Islam and practising it for the first time in his entire life. good job, naddy.
there was one time when she asked me whether i'm still a control freak. i was like wtf??? i'm not a control freak. not ever. then she tried to convince me by showing some exhibits. i actually was a control freak. WAS okay. and when i think back, i found that i'm still that control freak who try so hard to control my freak side and hide it deep inside of me. i pretend to be someone cooler, spontaneous and like surprises. it so tiring. but i keep doing it knowing that no guy would like to have a control freak as a girl. i plan everything. even my spontaneous thingy. i plan it very precisely from the beginning so it will look naturally. only God knows how hard i tried to maintain this macho and cool look. but surprisingly, everything comes naturally now. the control freak and the spontaneous me blend together to create the new me. i guess so. nadiah and jerry were laughing so hard when i said this. give it a break, you guys.
i miss to have you in my life right now. i miss to have sleeping partner. i frankly never do what we used to do with anyone. i maybe sleep with a lot of people. but i never cuddle and spooning until the dawn without feeling so gay doing so. i miss to have someone where i can actually say "pause please. i just wet my panty and i need to change" whenever we watched hentai together. i miss the loudspeaker phone call where you guys usually yelled at me to dump that moron. and when you yelled at me again saying "you still the most stupid girl i've ever met. last time you stupid for stick with the guy you don't even love for five years. now you stupid because waiting for your one true love" when i told you about H, it's euphoric. i seriously envy you. you're so smart with all the horticulture thing yet you drop school for the chance of love. i envy with the fact that you're now a smart housewife with 1 and half kids. i envy everything about you though you're not even in size 4. you're totally daredevil and you inspired me a lot. thank you for being in my life once again. and jerry, thank you for your little hijrah. i know how hard it is to actually believe in God when you used to spend your entire life with no belief. you not only make nadiah happy, but also me.

everyone deserves this fun

planning the near future with someone who includes you in all his far future life plans is fun.
being in love with someone who loves you with his entire heart is just the most fun.

whoever you are, i'm waiting for you patiently.

always an aunt never a mum

since budak kecik is having a bun in her oven, i take charge of all the house chores. she needs to have extra rest. so everyday i cook dinner for us. sometimes i feel like having a husband who's going to have his dinner after solat maghrib. that means i have to cook early so we can have our dinner a little bit earlier than usual.
what it feels like? it feels like i am a family woman. it is actually a good practice for me. but it is different then. right now i have to make sure that i only cook a healthy food. i changed our refined oil with extra virgin oil since we only have that in the kitchen. remind me to buy corn oil when we do grocery later. and then, she insisted not to add MSG in the meal. so right now we're eating sort of tasteless food. it is so hard at first but once we used to the tasteless taste, it's kinda good and healthier though sometimes it taste like a hospital food. i'm going to learn lots of new recipes for the growing booboo to vary he/she food intake. frankly speaking, i super enjoy doing this. i love pregnancy phase, pregnant mum or anything to do with it. i just can't wait for the shopping time for the little angel. oh my god, booboo isn't yours, zila!!!

cooking is actually fun when you put your heart into it.

btw, i look so cute in my new purple apron.

;)

p/s: did i just name fizy's baby?

we are

people aren't chocolates. they are bastards. bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.

the best therapy in the world when life gives you boomerang and it is about to explode in your hand and you don't know where to throw it, go take a shower. cry your heart out. then shave every hair on your body until you feel like a newborn baby and put on your clay mask. don't forget to buffer your nail so it'll look shiny and pinky.
the next day, go to work like you are a new people. it'll make a lot different.

cute twin

today at school before i went home.
s: hi teacher.
me: hi.
s: sudah sihat?
me: yeah, i'm fine. thanks. but how'd you know i was sick? teacher bukan ajar kelas kamu pun.
s: the guy that you adore la...
me: huhhhhhhh???!!!

mygod!!! i'm going to love this girl in my english class next year. isn't she the sweetest. "the guy that you adore la...". for God sake, she's only form 2. some of my front class form 3 kids don't even know how to use adore (v) correctly.

resemble

tall pretty mummy+ handsome short daddy+ cute baby

can life be any blessed than this?

p/s: kalau tidak esok, mungkin lusa la ni period.

ramble

cuaca panas lately.
almost 40 degrees. macam la.
buat diri jadi malas.
tidur tidak boleh.
pakai tank top lagi rasa panas compare dengan big tee.
marathon Lord of the Ring dari pagi.
tengok Frodo, Aragorn dan Legolas, rasa macam di syurga kejap.
tukar caller tone baru untuk dia.
phone bunyi sekali. LINE.
laundry tidak berlipat lagi untuk tiga minggu. penuh menggunung di basket.
atur jadual cuti. atur alasan soalan cepu cemas. atur duit.
june birthday orca. lesen mati. maintenance.
jeans baru. shirt and blouse. perlu coin purse. perfume. buku baru. mungkin juga perlu high heels baru.
cutlery set. kitchenware. dinner set. bed linen.
tiba-tiba.
jeles gila babbas tengok perempuan kurus kaki panjang, perut kempis, rambut panjang, wavy.
super jeles orang ada laki.

bon appetit

the moment when i was texting with him complaining about how scorching hot my house can be sometimes, i'm thinking about food. i'm craving for something milky, cheesy and chocolatey. i don't know why on earth suddenly my appetite turn to something like that. i want something hot yet simple for my teatime. i went down and found a carrot slice leftover from our teacher's day celebration yesterday. i ate it together with budak kecik. but it seems not enough for me. when she was busy with something else, i'm busy cooking scrambled eggs with super extra fresh milk in the kitchen. it turned out so fluffy and moist. i never thought i could make something like that. the milky taste was killing me softly. for a moment i forgot my getting-bigger muffin, my super ideal weight. i let the eggs teasing every part of my mouth and perish me with its taste. when i'm done, i thought of having a second round. but a caught of my thigh suddenly stop me. there goes my kelly rowland dreamy thigh.

i wish he was here so i can pamper him with food and be fat together. gaining weight alone is super not cool..-,-

contentment

he: ada nampak tom cruise ka?

me: ya ada. depan mata saya pakai baju pink. guna aviator baru.

minta puji!!!

handsome short guy+ aviator+ cute baby

is it too much what i'm asking for?